Akatsuki vs Froggy
by TRIGGER M00NSHIELD
Summary: Hidan is mezmorised by a frog in the garden. Kakuzu normally wouldnt care but when Hidan started acting weird, things start GETTING weird. Rated T for Hidans language. Now also featuring the sequel: Konoha vs Froggy!
1. Hidan and Mr Froggy

**To be honest I have no fucking idea where this came from.**  
**I kinda thought "Hmm.. Another Hidan fic maybe..." I like writing Hidan.**  
**May have been influenced by my conversation with Mad-Hatter Sensei about beating crocodiles with sticks, iunno.**  
**But for some reason I though - FROGGY!**  
**And this evolved...**  
**Possibly will do more with it... iunno...**  
**Rates and reviews are always welcomed and encouraged haha!**

* * *

Hidan glared at it.  
It glared back.  
Hidan narrowed his eyes.  
It copied.

Kakuzu looked up from his list of bills, this had been going on for over an hour now and frankly, he was sick of it.  
Sure it was interesting for the first five minutes but seriously, it was time Hidan left the frog alone.  
Actually, he was amazed the zealot could pay attention to something for so long.  
But to be honest, it was starting to freak him out.

A grin hid behind the misers mask. He always enjoyed riling Hidan up and now was the perfect opportunity.  
Very carefully, Kakuzu released a tentacle towards the silver haired man and tickled his ear.  
Hidan twitched slightly but didn't move.  
Strange, Hidans ears were probably the most ticklish place on his body that Kakuzu had dared venture.

No matter.  
This time, Kakuzu wrapped the tentacle around the chain adorning Hidans neck and ever so lightly lifted it over his head.  
Hidan started shaking violently but didn't move from his spot.  
By now Kakuzu wasn't just freaked out but slightly annoyed.

Since when could Hidan stand having his ears tickled and rosary removed?  
He wore it in the shower for Gods sake, Kakuzu was under the impression he would burst into flames if it was taken off.  
Shuddering at the memory of walking in on Hidan in the shower, Kakuzu put aside his bills and glared at the back of the zealots head.

"Hidan."

"What?"

Kakuzu shook his head and squinted at the man.  
Was he just messing with him?  
He was going pretty far for a joke.  
By Hidans standards anyway.

"I have your rosary."

"…I know…"

"…Are you okay with that?"

"No..."

Kakuzu would have laughed if it wasn't the impudent priest.  
What was going on…?  
What was so amazing about this frog that he was forsaking his religion?  
The miser glanced over Hidans shoulder.  
Just a normal frog… Kinda ugly but nothing new.

"Do you mind if I wear your rosary?"

"YES!"

"Well I'm going to anyway."

"…"

Okay now things were getting serious.  
Time to bring out the big guns.  
Despite hating Hidans habits involving religion and not wearing shirts, Kakuzu didn't really like doing anything about them.  
Sure he would bitch and complain but actually doing something took effort that was seldom worth the results.

Moving over to Hidan carefully, Kakuzu glanced between the frog and Hidan.  
The pink irises of Hidans eyes didn't stray from the frog for a second.  
Grumbling to himself, Kakuzu took off Hidans rosary and wrapped it around the amphibians neck.  
Hidans top lip twitched into a snarl but he didn't move.  
Midway between chuckling and crying in exasperation, Kakuzu grabbed one of his spare shirts from his bag and thrust it over Hidans head.

The instant it covered his eyes, Hidan whipped around and grabbed at Kakuzu.  
_Finally… A reaction…_  
Hidan ripped the shirt from his body and grasped Kakuzus neckline.  
Eyes narrowed and teeth bared he hissed, "Where's my fucking rosary?"  
The miser studied him for a second before pointing towards the frog.  
Hidan dropped him and stormed towards the ugly little creature.

"Seriously… Putting my rosary on a fuckin- oh hey froggy!"

"What the hell! Seriously?"

Hidan crouched back down in front of the frog and stared at it.  
Kakuzu let out a strangled cry of frustration and fell to the ground, hitting at the earth with his fists.  
This was too much.  
He wanted the old Hidan back, the cursing, rude man that kept him up at night with bloody rituals.  
Not… This…  
This was torture.

"Hidan… I hate you."

The second the words were out of his mouth, Hidan spun around and tackled his partner.  
They grappled on the ground for a moment.  
Kakuzus attempts to punch Hidan went unnoticed as the religious zealot grabbed his face.  
_Okay what the fuck is going on?_  
His thoughts momentarily stopped his movements and Hidan used the split second to plant his lips upon Kakuzus.  
Both men froze.  
They stared at each other in shock.  
_Things just got weirder…_  
Suddenly, Hidan jumped back and leapt to his feet.

"Ugh! Why'd you kiss me you sick son of a bitch!"

Kakuzu shook his head, getting over his shock and replied,

"You kissed me you idiot! You were on top WITH your hands grabbing my face! Enough evidence! Whats with you?"

Hidan looked Kakuzu up and down, chest heaving before slowly nodding.  
He glanced around and upon gazing upon the frog, stormed over to it and grabbed his rosary.  
Half bent and gazing at Kakuzus out of the corner of his eyes Hidan breathed,

"Never… Ever mentioned that this fucking happened… Alright asshole?"

Kakuzu nodded in bewilderment as Hidan stormed back inside the hideout.  
The frog croaked innocently on the ground and the miser hesitantly made his way over to it.  
Giving it the once over, he decided it was safe as long as he doesn't touch it.  
Moving closer he looked into its eyes and froze.  
The frog had a Sharingan… _A Mangekyou Sharingan._  
Kakuzu growled.  
_Itachi… You are so going to die.  
_

* * *

**Teehee.**  
**I am secretly hoping I dont get struck by lightning or tortured to death by Lord Jashin for writing such blasphemy...**  
**Whether I continue this depends on the reviews.**  
**I would like to in a way...**  
**It would be fun to screw with all the different partners in the Akatsuki via Sharingan.**__


	2. Itachis New Jutsu

**Haha okay so here is basically an explanation of how Mr. Froggy works.**  
**Its also the lead up to the next victims.**  
**This wont be a yaoi by the way, just extreme awkwardness on the Akatsukis behalf.**  
**I live for awkward moments. I really do...**

* * *

Gazing out of a window, high up in the base, Itachi watched the scene below him play out with a grin.

He had dispatched several frogs around the hideout that he had given a kind of hypnotic power in the form of his new genjutsu.  
Upon meeting eyes with the frogs, who he had 'programmed' to draw attention to themselves, the victim would freeze and be unable to escape the frogs gaze.  
As seen with Hidan, the victim can answer questions but not ask them, nor can they move on their own.  
It was very amusing.

The only problem with Itachis new jutsu is that when the eyes of the victim are covered, the connection is severed.  
In Hidans case, it hadn't been a problem because Kakuzu had given the Jashinist a reason to glance back at the frog.  
Like all jutsus, Itachi had installed a failsafe.  
A release word… Or phrase in case things got out of hand and the jutsu needed undoing.  
Upon hearing the words "I hate you" the victim would be released from the jutsu.  
It wasn't Itachis original intention for them to become temporarily sex crazed upon hearing it.  
In fact it was a complete accident that it had worked out that way, a side effect if you will.  
But it just made the situation all the more entertaining.

Itachi watched Hidan storm into the base after kissing his partner.  
The Uchiha was desperately trying to hold in his giggles.  
He observed Kakuzu examine the frog and then glance up to his window.  
Itachi quickly ducked so as not to be seen, both hands pressed tightly against his mouth as his shoulders shook.  
He was sooo dead.

From down the hallway he heard an annoyed voice call, "Sasori no danna leave the frog alone, un."  
Jumping to his feet, Itachi ran to find a safe spot to watch the next show.  
He had been hoping that Deidara would get caught in the jutsu because he hadn't been completely sure if it would work on Sasori, but it was much funnier this way.  
All he had to do was wait until the blonde was severely pissed before uttering the magic words.  
Oh how both of them would be surprised…

Itachi let out a childish giggle that would envy a schoolgirl before crouching behind the door to the artists bedroom.

Oh how fun this torture was…

* * *

**So short chapter.**  
**Ill probably write the next one before the night is up.**  
**I'm just cool like that...**  
**Rates and reviews are muchly appreciated etc etc blah blah blah...**  
**You probably get sick of me writing that...**  
**But thats the end for now.**  
**TRIGGER OUT!**


	3. Sasori and Mr Froggy

**Lol I had fun writing this chapter.**  
**Sasori and Deidara are so fun to write XD**  
**As always rate and review !**  
**Peace!**

* * *

"Seriously danna… Put it outside or something, un."

Deidara watched as Sasori narrowed his eyes at the frog.  
The amphibian sat on Sasoris woodwork desk, on top of one of his most prized puppets while the red head sat crouched on his chair, thumb to his bottom lip, glaring at the creature.  
The blonde had walked into their room to find him like this.  
At first he had ignored it, expecting Sasori to shoo it away or kill it.  
But it had been 45 minutes.  
Deidara had had a shower, dried his hair and gotten changed only to return to the room and find no one had moved.  
The blonde man crossed his arms and furrowed his brow.

"Sasori no danna?"

"Yes, Deidara."

"What are you doing, un…?"

"I'm watching this frog…"

Deidara rolled his eyes.  
_Well OBVIOUSLY…_  
He shook his head.  
There was no reason for him to do so, but Sasori was starting to irritate him.  
A frog? Honestly.  
Deidara didn't agree with his partners art style but it seemed more important than frog watching.  
Last he checked, Sasori hated frogs…  
He glanced around the room.  
Surely there was something in here he could use to distract his partner…  
His eyes fell on Hiruko and he smiled.  
Deidara started towards the puppet and knocked on its back testingly.  
Sasori growled from his work bench but didn't move.  
Frowning, Deidara opened the puppet and sat inside it.  
Sasori had never let his partner see the inside of Hiruko, let alone sit in it.  
Surely that would get on his nerves?

"Sasori no danna? I'm sitting in Hiruko."

"I know… Get out."

"Make me, un."

Sasoris arms twitched and a snarl formed on his face but he made no move to attack Deidara.  
The blonde could have laughed.  
He expected a reaction from that for sure…  
Stretching his feet back as far as they would fit and relaxing his hands behind his head, Deidara decided to resort to insults.

"This really is an ugly puppet, un…"

No reaction.

"Sure you can preach about your art lasting forever, yeah, but whats the point of ugliness being eternal, un?"

Deidara smirked to see Sasoris eye twitch.  
Yes, he was getting to him now…  
Hopefully just one or two more and his partner would crack.  
He started fiddling with levers and buttons in Hirukos shell.

"What does this do, un?"

* * *

From behind the door, Itachi grinned.

Sasori was getting furious but unless Deidara asked him something directly, he couldn't voice his anger.  
Oh the fun of being an evil mastermind…

* * *

"Danna?"

"Yes… Deidara…?"

Sasori spoke through gritted teeth so Deidara knew he was angry, but why wasn't he reacting?  
The blonde frowned again.  
Something was up with that frog.  
A genjutsu of some kind maybe?  
A grin formed on Deidaras face.  
In that case, why not have fun?

"I just thought I'd let you know that I gave your poison collection to Tobi, yeah."

"…You had better be joking…"

Deidara grinned mercilessly.

"Nope."

* * *

Itachi cocked his head,  
By now Deidara had definitely figured out that Sasori was caught in a jutsu.  
And by the sound of it, he was enjoying it to its fullest extent.  
_Just wait, little blonde… You only know the half of it…_  
He would wait for the opportune moment before releasing the jutsu.

* * *

"Danna?"

"…What…"

"Do you mind if I blow up Hiruko, un?"

"…Yes I fucking do…"

"Oh… Well too bad, un."

Swearing now?  
Ohhhhh Sasori was DEFINITELY angry.  
But the only physical reaction Deidara coaxed from him was violent shaking and a snarl.  
Through his peripheral vision, the blonde knew his danna could see him, so he decided to make things more fun.  
Being the spontaneous little bastard he was, Deidara pulled out some of his clay and began piling it into Sasoris puppet.  
He could have sworn he saw a small tear escape his dannas eyes.  
Deidara didn't really intend to blow Hiruko up, it was just fun being able to torture his danna while he had the chance.

"Hmmm… Danna? What kind of animal should I make to blow up Hiruko, hmm?"

"…Please… Don't do it Deidara..."

The resident terrorist smirked in triumph.  
Now was his chance for blackmail.

"What will you do for me if I don't, un?"

"…I'll let you live…"

Deidara chuckled and emptied the rest of clay into the puppet.  
Discreetly, he made a small butterfly and had it hover just above Hiruko.  
It wouldn't do any damage, but it would be enough to frighten his danna, maybe enough to break the weird jutsu.  
He formed his trademark handseal where the red head could see it and grinned manically.

"Katsu!"

The butterfly exploded and Sasori let out a small cry of mourning as a small dust cloud obscured Hiruko from view.  
When it cleared, he saw his puppet intact and Deidara grinning.

"Just kidding danna, un. I couldn't do that to you."

He could almost feel the relief radiating from his partner.  
_Oh this is just too much fun, un… I bet Itachi is behind this, I'll have to thank him later, yeah_.

* * *

Itachi shoved his fist in his mouth at Deidaras last words.  
Any second now the perfect opportunity to humiliate both of the artists would come around and Itachi could pull out his camera and snap a picture.  
He had already taken one of Kakuzu and Hidan because… Well… It was Kakuzu and Hidan!  
Such brilliant blackmail material…  
Itachi listened a little closer as Deidara resumed talking to his tortured partner.  
And it was then he heard the perfect line.  
Desperately trying not to burst out laughing, Itachi stuttered out the words that would send Sasori into a brief sex crazed rage, "I h-hate you!"

* * *

Deidara grinned at his danna happily.

If pretending to blow up his puppet was bad, then this was going to be perfect.  
Swinging his hips seductively, he crossed the room to Sasori, who sat motionless in the chair, watching out of the corner of his eye.  
Bending down to Sasoris head level, Deidara licked his lips and caressed his dannas face.  
In a sultry tone he breathed into the red heads ear, "Do you want me, danna?"  
Smirking slightly, Deidara retracted his head and gazed into Sasoris eyes.  
Something was different…  
Deidaras mouth suddenly opened in shock as he saw what had changed.  
Instead of gazing at the frog, Sasoris brown eyes were now gazing hungrily at Deidara.  
_Oops… un?_  
Before he could articulate his apology, Sasori pounced on Deidara and pinned him to the floor.  
Straddling his partners waist, with one hand he captured Deidaras above his head and ran his other through Deidaras hair.  
A split second before the blonde opened his mouth to object, Sasori kissed him.  
Eyes wide with shock, Deidara wiggled under his danna and tried to escape.  
_I was just joking, un!_  
A brief flash of light caught Deidaras attention before Sasori pinched his nipple.  
_Alright, un, enough is enough!_  
A clay butterfly fluttered down next to Sasoris ear.  
It was tiny, and would just make a lot of noise instead of causing damage, which was what he needed…  
A distraction.  
Forming a handseal with one of his captured hands, Deidara managed to muffle, "Katsu!"  
The butterfly exploded and Sasori jumped off his captive in fright.  
Deidara hauled himself to his feet and got into a defensive position.  
The artists eyed each other wearily.  
Sasori opened his mouth and abruptly shut it, once, then twice.

"Deidara…?"

"What, pervy danna, un?"

Sasori flinched at the nickname.  
He was well aware of what had just happened but after what Deidara had said and he reacted, how could he explain that he wasn't controlling himself?  
It really did seem like he was a perv.

"That… Didn't happen… Alright?"

Deidara lowered his fists and gave an exasperated sigh, "Fine by me, un…"

* * *

**So there you have it! The next installment.**  
**Its so much fun to screw around with the Akatsuki...**  
**Isnt Itachi a little bastard?**  
**I was thinking of getting Tobi and Kisame next...**  
**Any objections? No? No?**  
**Brilliant**


	4. Sir Leader Vs Froggy, Kisame and Zetsu

**Ok so this was originally going to be Tobi/Zetsu...**  
**But I think its a bit over rated and this was funnier and less cliche.**  
**Whatever the case, enjoy the madness once again!**  
**Pllllleeeeeeeaaaaaseeeeee rate and review...**  
**I'm really only begging because I wanna see if it works... lol.**  
**And now no one will do it XD  
PS. I have nothing against frogs. I am not a frog hater...**

* * *

Zetsu glared at the frog.  
He had heard Hidan and Kakuzu yelling something about an evil amphibian in the garden and decided to investigate.  
Though they were cute, the evil little creatures that inhabited this area of the world ruined his garden.  
He had sprayed a pheromone trap last week which he thought had killed them, but had apparently missed a few.  
A few minutes after entering the garden, Zetsu found what he was looking for.  
**  
"Whats this…? **_I've never seen this species before…"  
_  
Zetsu shuffled closer to the being to inspect in further.  
Perhaps he was mistaken.  
Black skin?  
No, the frogs that inhabited this area were green. There was no way he had made a mistake.  
Getting down on his hands and knees, Zetsu moved closer.  
He gazed into its Sharingan red eyes and was instantly transported to Mangekyou Sharingan La La Land.

* * *

Kisame moodily walked along the hallway.

Itachi had been ignoring him lately and everyone else had been fighting.  
He had just witnessed Kakuzu and Hidan in the kitchen throwing mugs and yelling about kissing and frogs.  
_Yeah cause that's not weird or anything…  
_Then Deidara and Sasori had entered the lounge room glaring at each other and trying to stay as far away from the other as possible.  
He had caught Deidara mumbling something about a "pervy puppet" which meant, unless Kisame was mistaken, Sasori had finally pulled the moves on his partner.  
Kisame smirked.  
_Obviously didn't go as well as he had hoped…  
_  
Sighing, he entered the room he shared with Itachi and stood in the corner, watching the little fish swim around in his giant fish tank.  
_If only life were that simple and I could be content just swimming around with no cares in the world…_  
Kisame shifted his gaze around the room.  
A few Polaroid photographs lay next to a camera on Itachis bed.  
Deciding to take a look, Kisame ventured over to the 'forbidden' side of the room and picked one up.

"PFFFFFFFT!"

Several pictures of Kakuzu pinned to the ground while Hidan kissed him stared back at Kisame.  
The shark-man tried desperately to hold in his smirks and giggles as he shifted through the pictures.  
A picture of Sasori straddling Deidara came into view and Kisame fell to the floor laughing.  
Either Itachi had a major hand to play in this or the Uchiha had been doing a lot of sneaking around.

Relieved to find none of himself, Kisame dropped the pictures back onto the bed.  
At least he knew why The Zombies Brothers and The Artists had been fighting.  
Some one cleared their throat from behind him and Kisame froze.

Turning around slowly, Kisame came face to face with Itachi.  
All was silent.  
Kisame was forbidden to touch Itachis things, much less be on his side of the room,  
He was in trouble.

"heh…heh heh…"

Kisame scratched the back of his neck and gave his roommate an uneasy smile.  
Itachi narrowed his eyes and activated his Sharingan.  
Like any normal person would, Kisame bolted.

And that's how he ended up in the garden staring down at Zetsu, who was entranced by a frog.

"Umm… Zetsu-san?"

"_What is it, Kisame?"  
_  
Kisame paused.  
Was it wrong to ask a grown man why he found a frog so entertaining? He didn't know.  
Deciding to risk it, Kisame asked,

"So uhh… Watcha doing?"

"_Looking at a frog**, **_**fish-face.**_**"**_

Kisame bit his lip.  
He had noticed.  
It was WHY that he wanted to know.  
Maybe it had something to do with Hidan and Kakuzus argument?  
Or hadn't Zetsu just said the other week how there was a frog plague and that they were destroying his lettuces?  
Who knew?  
He wouldn't get any answers from Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara or Sasori that's for sure.  
Maybe he could just have a look at this frog himself and see what all the fuss was about.

Crouching down next to Zetsu, Kisame looked at the little frog.  
Kisame saw the frogs Sharingan and his eyes widened.  
"Oh shi-"

* * *

Pein walked through the base inspecting the damage that his minions had caused this time.

It was annoying of course, but living in a small hideout filled with testosterone fuelled men had its ramifications.  
It actually wasn't too bad today.  
Quite a few smashed mugs and scrapes in the wallpaper no doubt caused by a scythe or giant chakra eating sword, but otherwise the damage was fairly minimal.  
Smirking and quite pleased, Pein decided to take a stroll in the garden.  
At least he wouldn't be in such a bad mood that he had another western style standoff with Konan later on tonight.

Pein left the base through a back door and walked through the garden.  
It was Zetsus pride and joy and stretched for at least 500 meters.  
The far corner, near the pond was what caught Peins eye, however.  
Crouched down on the ground were Kisame and Zetsu.  
_Deary me. It looks as though not a bone in their bodies is moving… Assuming Zetsu has bones…_  
Pein wandered closer and looked at the two.

"Kisame, Zetsu… What are you both doing?"

Sir Leader was quite proud of his formal speech and rocked back and forth on his toes in delight.  
No one could see him after all.  
Kisame and Zetsu simultaneously replied, "Frog watching."  
Pein raised an eyebrow and glanced over their shoulders to see that they were in fact, watching a frog.  
Not the sort of hobby he expected his fearsome shinobi minions to have.  
_No matter,_ Pein thought.  
The self proclaimed god cleared his throat.

"I request your assistance in helping me clean up the mess the other Akatsuki made."

"No. Frog watching."

"**Sorry, Sir Leader,** _this is important."_

Pein was astounded.  
How was watching a frog more important than your leaders orders?  
Secretly though, he was pleased.  
It meant he could shoot some threats back and forth.  
He rubbed his hands together evilly.

"Kisame, if you don't get up, I will dump Zetsus very expensive weed poison in your fish tank."

Zetsu and Kisame tensed, which was the reaction Pein expected.  
Kisame loved his fish and most of them were presents from his friends and fellow murderers.  
He was very attached.  
Zetsu had to wander all the way to The Village Hidden in the Clouds to obtain his weed poison.  
Everyone else claimed it was too far away but the black and white man swears by it and wont buy anything else.  
Despite their taut bodies, neither of the two moved.

"Do you want me to do that?"

"No, Leader-sama…"

"_Please don't Si-_ **asshole!"**

Pein frowned.  
It wasn't often Zetsus black half swore at him.  
How rude.  
And yet they still weren't moving?  
Pein wasn't used to people saying 'no' to him.  
In that way he was like a child throwing a tantrum and lost his temper very quickly.  
Seething, shaking, gritting his teeth with a vein popping in his head, Pein growled,

"Do it now, or I will hog tie you both and send you back to your countries to obtain the bounties on your head while you rot in prison."

"No can do, Leader-sama."

"**Fuck off!"**

Pein let out an exasperated cry and threw his hands behind him in rage, screaming,

"DO IT NOW!"

"Nope.

"_No."  
_  
"NOW!"

"Uh uh."

**"Piss off."**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!"

Pein collapsed on his knees and thrust his palms into his face to stem the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks.  
Those bastards…  
How dare they defy him.  
Sniffling and cuddling himself, Pein whispered, "I hate you…"

* * *

**Yeah lol...**  
**Poor Sir Leader.**  
**I'm really only up now because some douche is playing 'Sexy Back' reaaaaaaaaaally loud in the house across the road.**  
**Tomorrow I am leaving on my 3 month journey of epicness which means it may be a while before any more chapters or stories are posted...**  
**My bad.**  
**Soooo hope you enjoyed.. Leave your reviews, ratings, complaints or pathetic excuses after the beep!  
BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!**


	5. Where is Itachi

**Alright. So currently I am bouncing around in the back of a troop carrier and trying to hit the right keys as I type - splendid  
Almost at Alice Springs – Hooray civilization!  
Erm… So yeah. The next terrifying installment.  
I wasn't quite sure how to go about this one… Review or PM me if you think I should try…  
To be honest the idea of Pein, Kisame and Zetsu scares the shit out of me and I'm not quite sure what possessed me to type it in the first place…  
Ah well…  
Enjoy the creepiness nonetheless…  
**

* * *

After the terrifying events that had plagued him this morning, Sasori sat at the dining table nervously sipping coffee and glancing back and forth along the room.  
Just when he thought he was safe, he heard a croak.  
For several minutes he would be on edge, knuckles white grasping his mug and eyes darting all around him.  
There was no way he was getting caught in that genjutsu again.  
While he had been sitting at his desk being tortured by his blonde partner, Sasori had come to the conclusion that Itachi had something to do with this.  
Genjutsu was his specialty after all.

Oh how relieved he had felt to be released from his paralysis. But it all changed the instant he looked at Deidara.  
For some reason in that split second, the blonde had looked incredibly enticing.  
Shivering at the thought of it, Sasori stiffened upon hearing another croak.

He had learned later on that something similar had happened to Hidan and Kakuzu.  
Despite feeling their pain, Sasori found the idea of Hidan forced into a frenzy and attacking Kakuzu extremely amusing.  
Itachi must be laughing his evil little ass off…

Although the horrible events of this morning had left them all traumatized, not a sound had been heard in the base since.  
Until an earsplitting scream was heard from the garden.  
On instinct, the puppet master sprang to his feet and bolted towards the source of the sound.  
If enemy shinobi were attacking, he wanted in on the fight.  
He definitely needed to blow off some steam.

Running through the hallway, he stumbled into his blonde partner who apparently heard the scream as well.  
Deidara glanced at the red head and shot him a look that communicated two things,

**1) Lets go check out the source of the screaming.**  
**2) Keep away from me while we do it.**

Sasori nodded, only too happy to oblige but in the back of his mind was desperately trying to figure out a way to explain the situation to the blonde.  
Shaking his head, Sasori continued to run.  
The puppet master and the terrorist burst through the back door at the same time.

Kisame, Zetsu and Pein stood at opposite ends of the garden glaring at each other in fear.  
Pein was backed as far into the rose bushes as he could be, thorns cutting into his skin and small trails of blood running down his arms.  
Kisame had his back against the wall of the hideout, knee deep in pond water.  
Zetsu had half merged himself with a tree and was watching the other two ninja skeptically.

* * *

Deidara tilted his head at the three men.  
Everyone was acting weird today, he just wished he knew why.  
His red headed partner walked stiffly towards Sir Leader in an information gathering attempt, leaving Deidara to stand at the door looking confused.  
A strange noise caught his attention.  
He glanced around in search of its source but couldn't determine its origin.  
_I'm probably still delirious with shock after the stunt Sasori no Danna pulled, un…  
_Deidara shook his head and turned to leave.  
It was much more peaceful (and safe) in his art studio.  
He swiped at his ear as something tickled it.  
What ever it was, it didn't give up its protest so the annoyed blonde whipped around to find it.

A paper butterfly flew down beside him and floated gracefully away.  
Konan?  
As he followed it, the noise he heard earlier became louder.  
Deidara eventually determined that they were giggles.  
The butterfly stopped in front of the hedge Zetsu had planted a year ago, unfolded itself and squeezed through the leaves.  
Deidara followed.

Inside a hollow spot in the hedge, Konan sat with both hands clamped over her mouth as her shoulders shook violently with laughter.  
Deidara frowned.  
_What is going on, yeah…?_

* * *

Sasori glared at Pein with his hands on his hips.  
Whenever he asked a question the orange haired man would just shake his head and close his eyes.  
Almost like he was too horrified to speak.  
Kisame and Zetsu had acted the same way, although Kisame looked much more ill than the other two.  
The Puppet Master could already guess what had happened but wanted to hear it firsthand.  
It was always so much more fun that way.  
If he was going to suffer as well, Sasori figured he might as well get his kicks out of the other Akatsuki.  
_Bloody Itachi…_  
He probably had pictures of all of this hanging up on his bedroom wall…  
Sasori glanced at his leader again, opening his mouth to ask another question.  
Pein just whimpered and tried to push himself further against the rose bushes.  
The ex Suna nin sighed and lifted his head to the sky.  
He heard someone holler "KATSU" and an explosion somewhere nearby but couldn't bring himself to care.  
It was time to do something he had been trying to avoid all day…  
_Time to find Itachi._

* * *

Deidara furrowed his brows at the kunoichi in front of him.  
Konan was so struck by laughter that she wasn't making a sound other than a few gasps and wheezes as she tried to catch her breath.  
Whenever she tried to say something she just burst back into hysterical giggles.  
Eventually, Deidara just asked, "Does this have to do with why the other three are acting weird, un?"  
Konans laughter, which had been dying down, started up again with a roar.  
She nodded as she rocked back and forth.  
Deidara grinned, finally someone with answers.  
_If only she will stop laughing, un…_  
A smirk found its way onto the Iwa nins face as he glared down at Konan.  
A clay butterfly flew down in between them.  
Deidara waited until Konan had caught site of it before screaming "KATSU!"  
The kunoichi gasped and jumped back as the small explosion detonated.  
It scorched her arm and she scowled at the cackling man in front of her.  
Deidara grinned, "Now that I have your attention, un…"

* * *

**Haha so more like a bunch of filler this chapter.  
Its becoming more and more like the real Naruto the more I type!  
Soooo yeah. Hope you enjoyed it and sorry my updates are taking so much longer now D:  
As always leave your rates, reviews, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep.  
Beeeeeeeeeeeep**


	6. My Bad

Itachi sat in his room on his bed shaking.  
Normally, he wasn't scared of anything.  
Nothing at all.  
The events earlier on in the day however, had changed his mindset about Uchihas being fearless.

He had barricaded his door with Kisames bed, Kisames aquarium, Kisames bedside table, Kisames favorite chair and Kisames wardrobe.  
His superior mind had assembled each of the pathetic and expendable objects against the door in accordance to how he thought they would be most effective.  
Apparently, Kisames personal belongings had no effect whatsoever against a raging stampede of Akatsuki members.

Sighing, Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose as more shouts of "Fuck you Itachi" and "I'm going to blow you up, un" came through the door.  
Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea…

* * *

Konan sat ridged under the hedge as Deidara hovered over her menacingly.  
"Now that I have your attention, un…"  
The bluenettes giggles had stopped and Konan was in a calmer state of mind now.  
Her grin widened however and her face threatened to break into laughter again when she thought of what she had seen.

She had innocently been examining the roses in the garden, trying to determine a new design for her origami paper when she had heard muffled shouting.  
Running towards the noise, Konan had come across the hilarious and slightly disturbing image of Kisame and Zetsu attacking Pein with everything varying to hugs, kisses and gropes.  
She had watched in amusement while Pein shouted in horror.  
When Kisame pulled Peins cloak open she had gasped and been about to intervene when the strange charade had abruptly stopped and all three of the vicious criminals had fled to opposite ends of the garden, pointing at each other in horror.  
Deeming it safe for her sorta-not-really-kinda boyfriend and Leader, Konan had raced somewhere quiet to giggle to her hearts content.

Until Deidara had arrived.

Sasori informed Pein, Kisame and Zetsu of Itachis shenanigans.  
Kisame had gasped, stating that he saw pictures of the other Akatsuki in similar circumstances in Itachis room.  
Pein and Zetsu, who had no idea of the mornings happenings, had been horrified, terrified and furious.  
An Akatsuki meeting had determined between the 8 members that Itachi must die.

And so Itachi sat in his room, being bombarded with threats while his sorta-not-really friends hammered on his door...

* * *

**Kinda filler here... Next chapter will be the last so look forward to that etc.**

**As always leaveyour rates, reviews, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep...**

**Wait for it...**

* * *

**Wait for it...**

* * *

**BEEEEEeEeEP**


	7. The Capture Of Itachi Uchiha

**Ugh... This is such a pain to type out... But oh well.**

**Thanks to everyone who stuck by til the end!**

**Enjoy the very last chapter of Akatsuki vs Froggy**!

**And to answer the question about this being related to hypnofrog from Futurama I am very sad to say I have never watched the show... My retarded brain came up with this all by itself lol**

* * *

The Akatsuki stood outside the door to Itachi and Kisames room.

Most of them were currently leaning against it, hands on their knees and bent over gasping for air whist the others who had given up a long time ago, sat in the hallway with their backs to the walls.

They had been pounding on the door for a few hours now with still no sign that Itachi was going to emerge?

Several plbeen and ideas had been tossed around since.

These included such suggestions as bombing the base, flooding the base, setting the base on fire, sending the bases coordinates to the Hidden Leaf shinobi, sacrificing the door to Jashin, stealing the doors heart, turning th door into a puppet and as suggested by Tobi, opening the door.

Because it was the kind that opened outwardly, meaning no matter what Itachi stacked against it, it could still be opened.

The Akatsuki did of course, dismiss Tobis idea because past experience shows that Tobi is an idiot.

Deidara and Kakuzu sat against the wall plotting.

"when I was back in Iwagakure, yeah, they gave us all of these special technique lessons where you think like your enemy and stuff, un"

Kakuzu nodded thoughtfully.

He too had received similar training in Takigakure, although he had been thrown out of said lessons before he could complete them.

His teacher believed him to be too deep a thinker.

So deep a thinker in fact, that he thought to deeply about thinking deeply and delver deeper into his thinking necessary.

In situations such as these, Kakuzu had to disagree.

"I agree, Deidara. We first must know our enemy by studying our enemy, then becoming our enemy, then moving in with our enemy, then wearing our enemies clothes-"

Deidara furrowed his brows and edged away from Kakuzu carefully.

No wonder Hidan complained about him, he had his hands full.

The blonde moved closer towards Sasori and Kisame who in a rare act of team effort were devising a plan to destroy Itachi.

He only overheard snippets of the conversation before he moved away from them too.

"-it's more than I can say for the state of his unrewarding drawer-"

"-Stripey carrots and ping pon-"

Deidara WOULD have moved over to where Zetsu and Tobi were but didn't fancy becoming involved in a three way argument.

He could say the same for Pein and Konan who were having a heated argument over something that probably had nothing to do with the situation at hand.

No doubt Peins other 5 bodies would join in soon and that was something you did NOT want to become involved with.

Growling in annoyance, Deidars twisted the door handle and yanked back the door in irritation.

T his surprise, it actually opened.

Huh... Tobi was right for once...

Deidara glanced around the hallway.

No one elseseemed to notice the change and so, he grinned the evilest grid that has ever been evilly grinned.

Why not bring out Itachi by himself?

Then he would get all the glory and be worshipped like a...Like a...

Deidara paused in thought.

The topic of "God" had become a heated discussion at dinner the other night and the blonde didn't know what to believe anymore.

On one hand there was Pein, a self proclaimed god and hence not reeeeeally a god... Just someone scary a psychotic enough to make you go along with it.

There was Jashin-sama of course.

Kisame had preached about the ancient cephalopod being Cthulhu who will one day rise from the sea to devour them all.

Sasori claimed to believe in Buddha which was actually kind of normal he supposed...

Deidara shook his head.

Whatever the case, he would be worshipped beyond awesomeness!

Smiling at his own genius, the blonde grasped a left over hypnofrog under one arm, opened the door wide enough to accommodate him, squeezed over the haphazardly stacked pieces of furniture and entered the room

* * *

Itachi lay back on his bed humming to himself and trying to fend off thoughts of hunger.

He had missed second breakfast after all.

The Uchiha vaguely wondered if he could cast himself into a genjutsu in which he could eat food -therefore chasing away thoughts if hunger as he would feel full without actually eating.

He sighed.

Not likely.

Itachis ear perked when he heard the sound of a slight shifting in the corner of the room that housed the door.

Please Pein, Cthulhu, Jashin and Buddha tell me they haven't figured out that the door opens outwards...

He sat up with a sigh that blatantly stated 'damn-I-have-been-caught-out-I-am-so-fucked.'

Eyes glancing over to the door way, Itachi was surprised (inwardly) to see Deidara standing on top of Kisames aquarium with one hand on his hips and the other holding a hypnotic frog over his head.

Itachi gulped.

"Anything you'd like to confess! Yeah!"

Itachi opened his mouth in a silent scream as a small sharing an wielding frog was sent flying in his direction.

* * *

Sasori clapped Deidara over the back as Kakuzu doubled over in laughter

Hidan had fallen off his chair long ago but was still to weak to move.

Pein and Konan were laughing so hard that no noise was emitting from them.

The Akatsuki sat at the dinner table enjoying a meal of fried chicken and chips.

Gasping for air, Hidan laughed, "Tell us again... Tell us how you got him again!"

Deidara had his arms crossed over his chest and closed his eyes in atriumphant smirk.

"nothing special un, just made him look at the hypnotic frog."

Hidan and Sasori burst into renewed laughter and held their sides.

Knan, who was the more humane of the group asked,

"So where is Itachi now?"

Deidara smirked but didn't answer.

Itachi Uchiha, in all his glory, was now sitting out the front of the gates if the Village Hidden in the Leaves staring at a little frog with a sharingan

**If you follow my other stories and want teasers, there is a specially set up Facebook account you can add called Nate White. It has a picture of a happy little praying mantis lol.**


	8. Chapter 8: I Lied

**Okay, okay…  
I know that I said that Akatsuki vs Froggy was over…  
And I meant it I swear…  
But I thought up a sequel and I just haaaaaaaaaad to do it…  
Because the story had quite a few subscribers I decided to post this at the end of Akatsuki vs Froggy.  
If you don't like it then just say the magic words!  
"I hate you!"  
So I now present you with the first chapter of the sequel…  
Konoha vs Froggy!**

* * *

Naruto stumbled along the outer paths of the village in annoyance.  
Arms folded and hands cupping the back of his neck as he walked, the blonde boy scowled.  
Kakashi-sensei had been late to training again.  
So late in fact, that Yamato had sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and told Naruto to go train alone, he would find and deal with Kakashi.  
That didn't change the fact that he didn't have a teacher to help him train though.  
_At least when Pervy sage was around all I had to do was use the sexy-no-jutsu and he would come running…_  
He climbed the steps that lead to an upper garden area solemnly.  
So many people were depending on him to be strong, but how could he be when he didn't train and have guidance?

Yamato was tired from constantly suppressing the Kyuubis chakra and Naruto deemed it unfair to ask him to spar.  
Sakura was busy as the apprentice to Tsunade and seemed too stressed about various aspects of her life at the moment.  
He knew if he asked her she would probably agree to help him train but her heart wouldn't be in it and Naruto hated to put pressure on her.  
Sai had pissed off to god knows where so Naruto had no idea what he was up to.  
He brightened slightly.  
Sai would spar with him.  
All he had to do was find the weird lil guy.

As if on cue, Naruto glimpsed pale skin and black clothes through the trees.  
Praising his luck and epic ninja tracking skills (because it was too much of a coincidence to be anything else) Naruto happily bounced over to his team mate.  
Waving enthusiastically, he called out, "Heyyy! Sai!"  
The boy came into view, crouched down on one knee and glancing into some bushes.  
For some reason, Sai didn't turn and greet him with an unintended insult as he usually would.  
Furrowing his brows slightly, Naruto walked over to the pale boy and crossed his arms with his head tilted.  
Sai didn't move OR acknowledge his presence.  
It wasn't often nowadays that someone wouldn't call out a greeting to him or at least wave.  
Not only that, Sai loved talking with the rest of his team, something about learning the do's and don't's of social interaction.  
Naruto shook his head and tried again.

"Hey, Sai?"

"Yes?"

The fact that he got an answer slightly startled Naruto for some reason.  
The boy still hadn't turned around but he had spoken at least.  
Significantly happier about this, Naruto asked,

"Whatcha doing?"

"Watching a frog."

Frowning, Naruto walked closer and glanced over Sais shoulder.  
Sure enough, there was a little frog crouched in front of his team mate.  
He watched as its neck pulsed in and out hypnotically.  
Naruto glanced at Sai curiously.  
The pale faced boy wore no emotion and was as still as stone.  
With a raised eyebrow, his blonde team mate spoke up again.

"Umm… Wanna go train?"

"No."

"Why not!?"

"Watching a frog."

Naruto glared at the frog.  
If it weren't for that silly creature he would be off training by now.  
He briefly wondered if Sai actually WAS training and had learnt to summon frogs just like him.  
Naruto shook his head, dismissing the thought almost as soon as it had come to mind.  
It wasn't talking and Sai would have wanted to train his summoning skills with him if he had signed frog scroll.  
There was always a chance though…

"Did you summon that frog, Sai?"

"No."

"Oh… Okay… Do you want to go and train then?"

"No. Im watching a frog."

"FUCK THE FROG-TTEBAYO! COME AND TRAIN!"

Sai was silent.  
Desperately, Naruto added, "PLEASE!"  
Still his team mate made no noise.  
He sighed, Sai was such a bastard when he wanted to be.  
Glancing around, Naruto suddenly came up with a brilliant idea.  
It worked on Sasuke, so why wouldn't it work on Sai?  
Creeping up to his side, Naruto stealthily snatched the sword his team mate coveted.  
Though surprised that he hadn't moved, Naruto still taunted him with,

"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiii! I have your sword!"

"I know… Give it back."

"How much did you buy it for? I reckon I could sell it for quite a bit."

Silence.  
Since when did stealing peoples things NOT make them angry?  
As a self proclaimed professional prankster, Naruto knew the ins and outs of being a nuisance.  
He always knew just what to do to turn someones cogs and warrant a reaction.  
You could almost say he was a master of psychology.  
But for some reason, it wasn't working now.  
Naruto threw the sword down like a child throwing a tantrum.  
Stupid Sai.  
Why wouldn't he get angry and fight?  
Taunting always worked with Sasuke!

"Why are you such a bastard!? Sai, I hate you!"

Naruto had turned his back as he spoke and began to walk away.  
He didn't get too far though…  
Before he could realize what had happened, Sai had tackled him and forced him face down onto the ground.  
Rolling over in fury, Naruto glared up at Sai who was still on top of him with one leg on either side of his torso.

"What the hell!? Get off me yo-Mmmmph!"

The kiss lasted half a second before Narutos poor tortured brain registered what was happening and he began to struggle.  
He managed to push Sai off of him briefly, long enough for him to scream out,

"RAAAAAAAAAAAPE! HELP!"

His mouth was covered once again and he closed his eyes, not wanting to see what was coming next.  
Without anything else to do, he wrapped his fingers around Sais throat, intent on choking him lest he _really_ be raped.  
Just as his grasp started tightening, he realized the lack of movement above him.  
Opening his eyes, Naruto glanced upwards.  
Sais mouth was still attached to his.  
He glared dangerously as Sai store down at him, eyes wide with horror at their situation.

Ripping themselves apart, Naruto and Sai jumped to opposite ends of the clearing.  
Sai stared at Naruto in shock and Naruto stared at Sai in fury.  
The silence between them was short lived.  
Pointing a finger accusingly, Naruto screeched,

"I KNEW YOU WERE GAY!"

Sai shook his head and stuttered, putting his hands up in defence,

"N-no I'm not. I couldn't help it! I just looked at you and the-"

"GAY!"

The gravity of the situation sunk in as they thought over what had just happened.  
Naruto started furiously spitting and rubbing at his mouth while Sai leaned over, arms wrapped around his stomach and looking severely ill.  
The boys stopped their dry retching when furious giggling erupted from the nearby bushes.  
Glancing around, Naruto watched in horror as Ino darted out of the shrubs and ran off in the direction of the village.  
The boys gaped after her and Sai raised his hands to his mouth in a gasp.  
Ino was the biggest gossiper in the whole of Fire country.  
Pretty soon the whole village was going to know what just happened.  
Letting out small noises that sounded like half sobs and half stutters, Naruto turned back to Sai with his mouth open.  
With a horrified and devastated face, Naruto whispered,

"What have you done…?"

* * *

**Ha…  
So that's chapter 1.  
Maybe Sai is more obsessed with penises than everyone thinks..  
And I'll let you in on a secret now.  
Despite how much we all love Itachi…  
He is not the culprit (maybe)  
Leave your rates, reviews, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep!**


	9. Sakura and the Green One

**Okay here is the next one.  
Umm… The name of this chapter is misleading and probably isn't what you are expecting because to be completely fucking honest, I didn't see it coming until I had written it down… By which stage I was as disturbed as Sakura will soon be.  
Lol I have no idea what skullberries are or if they even exist so… no fire from any potential botanists out there, yeah?  
Heh… that rhymed.  
Anyway, enjoy this next bit… Or not…**

* * *

It was on a fateful Tuesday that Sakura was out in the forest.  
Normally she wouldn't go out by herself, more from lack of company than actually worrying about enemy ninja of course, but today she had a legit reason.  
Naruto had been training hard and hoping to be of some use to him, she had decided to make soldier pills to keep up his strength.  
The problem was, she had run out of skullberries which were essential to the recipe.  
She had discovered this halfway through concocting her foul-tasting remedy.  
Sakura had already had the most tiring and stressful week and had been dismayed to find yet another hurdle in her way.

Firstly, Ino had refused to come out shopping, which meant she had to ask Sai.  
Normally that wasn't too bad but he was having one of his 'Penis Obsession' days and pointed out every banana, hotdog and cucumber that they came across.  
Her second problem was that Tsunade had gone through a particularly painful week of drinking and had left Sakura to do almost all of her paperwork.  
Her last, and most troubling problem, was that she had discovered her old gennin clothes in the back of her wardrobe and was dismayed to find how much bigger she had gotten when they didn't fit.  
Yes… It had been a tiring week.

With a sigh and grumble, she had grudgingly gotten up from her comfortable spot on her couch, pushed aside the rest of the random soldier pill ingredients and paraphernalia before wandering off to the store.

Of course, she arrived to find they had run out.  
Typical and very convenient.  
Growling and irritable, she had made her way to various other stalls that sold herbs and shrubs that she normally wouldn't frequent, discovering along the way that with the upcoming threat of war, many other people had been gathering soldier pill ingredients to assist their training.  
Realising she didn't have much choice, she hastily made her way to the forest outside the village to gather them fresh, which was where she was now.

So far she hadn't had much luck, finding almost every bush with a useful herb or berry other than the one she actually wanted.  
With an irritable sigh, she slumped against a tree to rest.  
Shikamaru watched clouds to relax and Sakura figured that perhaps it would work on her too.  
She tried hard, she really did, but all she could think about was that only more stress was to come.  
Sighing, she put her head in her hands, giving up on the idea of relaxation at all.  
It was during her lamentation that a grunt caught her attention.  
On the immediate defensive, she jumped to her feet and masked her chakra.

Sakura, not really one to worry about her own welfare (having super powers in the form of monstrous strength and superior dodging skills) was not too worried for her personal safety.  
It was the person who grunted that she was curious for.  
With utmost caution, she hesitantly made her way through the shrubbery and trees, being mindful and alert to any traps or ambushes that might catch her off guard.  
It wasn't until she caught sight of a standard issue Konoha shinobi vest that she dropped her defensive position and scowled, scolding herself for being foolish enough to think enemy ninja may be so close to the village.  
Although she reconsidered this thought seconds later when she reminded herself that a war was on the way and it was actually quite likely that an enemy would be snooping around.  
She sighed in stressful irritation_, I don't need this bullshit…  
_Her disappointment faded slightly when she realized she had stumbled across Maito Gai crouched down, half in a bush and half not.  
This in itself was not very surprising, the green clad weirdo was pretty unpredictable, as were all jounin.  
Nonetheless, Sakura decided that she could use the entertainment and wandered up to him curiously.

"Hello Gai-sensei"

The over enthusiastic freak didn't so much as twitch, let alone turn to face her and Sakura had to raise an eyebrow at the mans lack of manly tears of youth and posing.  
This didn't stop him from answering however.  
In a strangely monotone, although still very enthusiastic voice, he replied,

"Good day to you, Sakura."

She waited patiently for him to continue and furrowed her brows when he stayed silent for longer than 30 seconds, which was probably the quietest she had ever seen him.  
Tilting her head to the side at his strange behavior, she looked over his shoulder to see what he was staring at.  
Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, she silently wondered just what it was she had caught the man doing.  
Wrinkling her nose as several horrible (and potentially scarring) thoughts crossed her mind, Sakura tried to dismiss any situations that involved the grunting noise she had heard earlier and the strange, almost guarded behavior that Gai was showing.  
Reluctantly, she asked,

"What are you doing Gai sensei?"

"I am watching this youthful frog."

Sakura gazed over his shoulder again and was surprised to see that there actually was a frog.  
Assuming she had missed it earlier, she quickly and gladly brushed aside any freaky thoughts about Konohas Blue beast.  
Although she did consider having Tsunade test all the shinobi in the village for colorblindness.  
After all… Gai never wore anything blue.

"Why are you watching a frog?"

There was a pregnant silence and somewhere a cricket chirped, which Sakura found rather cliché, although she decided not to comment.

"I'm not sure."

Sakura sighed.  
Gai sensei was certainly a weird one but she had vaguely hoped his friendship speeches and lectures of youth might have cheered her up.  
Apparently not.  
The fact that the most energetic (and slightly A.D.D) man in the village didn't seem up to it today made her feel even more down.  
After all, how could she feel better when one of the cheeriest men around couldn't?  
Her mood lifted slightly when a popping noise caught her attention and Kakashi-sensei poofed out of nowhere, stepping out of a cloud of smoke with his disgraceful orange book.  
She waved half heartedly at him and his eye curved at her, accompanied by a slight tilt of the head.  
Knowing the man long enough to realize he was smiling, she attempted to smile back.  
The result was a very forced tug of the lips and a pained expression.  
He obviously noticed.

"What's wrong, Sakura?"

The kunoichi sighed and decided, what the hell.  
Kakashi asked, Kakashi shall get.  
Losing every ounce of self control Sakura poured out what was troubling her and cried,

"It's not fair, Kakashi sensei! Nothing is going right! Ino is being a bitch, Naruto is constantly training, Sai is a smiley creep who only talks about penises, I ran out of ingredients today, my aunties cat died, I bought the wrong hair dye, there is a pimple under my chin, none of my gennin clothes fit anymore, Tsunade is constantly drinking and leaving me her paper work and Gai sensei is acting REALLY weird!"

Looking slightly taken aback by his former students outburst, Kakashi cautiously and regretfully put away his book and glanced between Sakura and Gai uncertainly.  
Rubbing the back of his head curiously, he asked with a hint of realisation,

"So you DO dye your hair?"

Eyes flashing red, Sakura desperately tried to restrain herself from punching her sensei in the face.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT FROM THAT!? I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU AND ALL OTHER MEN SOMETIMES!"

A flurry of movement behind her alerted Sakura to Gai sensei FINALLY moving from his crouching position on the ground.  
Seeing him as no threat, Sakura ignored him completely, although she gasped in surprise when Kakashis eyes widened and he jumped forward, pushing her out of the way as he realized that something wasn't right.  
Later on, she would be immensely glad that he did this.  
Missing Sakura, Gai instead pounced on Kakashi.  
The two men, being of equal strength, began rolling around on the ground, Kakashi furiously trying to get away from the man who was making kissy lips and trying to get hold of his face, while simultaneously attempting to form handseals for a log replacement jutsu.  
This failed miserably when Gai restrained his hands, forcing the Copy Nin to hold his rival at bay with a knee shoved against the mans torso.  
The squabbling continued for a few seconds, Kakashis face showing more and more panic as the time crept by.  
Sakura watched with wide and dumbstruck eyes, not really sure whether she should assist her sensei or run for help.  
She knew that jounins were strange… Kakashi and Gai being no exception…  
But this was just fucking weird.

She yelped in surprise when her leg was grasped by the freaky green clad man, knocking her off her feet and drawing her frighteningly close to the two men.  
Deciding that enough was enough and that she didn't particularly want to be in the situation she was in, she growled and put her super strength to good use, punching both Kakashi and Gai in the face.  
The two jounin flew through the air, too caught up in their concentration to see the attack coming, and each hit separate trees.  
Heads spinning and seeing stars, Kakashi and Gai looked up at her dopily.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING BUT I FUCKING DARE YOU TO TRY IT AGAIN!"

Gai, who had by this time snapped out of his trance and recovered from what was a potentially brain damaging punch, watched with regret and shock as Sakura left.  
He turned to the side and noticed Kakashi glaring at him wearily and inching away slowly.  
Blinking once, then twice, Gai rubbed the back of his neck and muttered,

"Well that was weird…"

Kakashi nodded, significantly calmed since Gais freakish game had stopped and the man was displaying… normal… behavior.  
Nonetheless annoyed at what he was inwardly deeming 'The Epic Battle To Not Have His Nonexistant Virginity Stolen' he replied irritably,

"I hope that wasn't your attempt to beat me in a contest."

* * *

**I'm sorry.  
I had to involve Gai and Kakashi in some form or another but the idea of Gai kissing anything or anyone was freaky enough to think about let alone scar anyone who is reading this…  
Thankfully, my mind deemed Kakashi worthy to deal with this threat…  
I also figured I'd let Sakura get a punch in.  
Mainly because I don't particularly like Gai and partially because Kakashi can be a bastard when he wants to be… And at some stage he probably deserved it too.  
The difference between the two is Kakashi is awesome… and Gai is not… Seriously…  
(Although he is great for comedic relief and DOES make me laugh)  
Anywho…  
Hope you aren't too badly scarred.  
If anyone wants to give me an idea on who to do next I'd be very appreciative…  
The Akatsuki was easy because they were all paired and there are only 11 of them.  
Konoha has waaaaaaaay too many people and I probably shouldn't have started a sequel for this reason haha…  
Ill stop ranting and raving now.  
Have a nice day!**


	10. Shikamarus Nightmares

**Here you are!**  
**So this chapter is a build up to finding out whats going on (for the Hidden Leaf Shinobi anyway)**  
**There will be an Akatsuki cameo (and you can probably guess who it is) later on to help explain the plot line to poor Naruto and his friends.**  
**Also is there anyone in particular people are wanting to be paired?**  
**Let me know in a PM or review if there is.**  
**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

It was a boring day.  
The kind of day where you could do something if you wanted to, but there wasn't really anything special going on to motivate you in the first place.  
And if there is no reason to do something, why do it?  
That's what Shikamaru thought anyway…  
Choji wasn't really up to doing anything today, having indigestion from eating too much the day before.  
No festivals or special events were taking place so there was no need to get all excited.  
It was too nice a day to play shogi, but not enough clouds in the sky to cloud watch.  
There just seemed to be absolutely nothing at all to do.  
Troublesome… That's what it was.  
Instead of training as he probably should be, he decided a walk around the village couldn't hurt.  
Perhaps he would even visit Ino, she did owe him money after all… And she still had to return his shirt that she had borrowed from him two weeks ago.  
He shook his head and sighed.  
What was it with girls wanting to wear guys clothes?  
They didn't buy male clothing for themselves but for some reason liked borrowing their friends or partners shirts.  
For what reason he couldn't fathom.  
Not to mention how clumsy Ino was, no doubt if he left it with her for too long it would come back torn or with a stain on it.  
And as usual, she would have no idea as to how it got there.  
This was a mystery in itself because her wardrobe was immaculately clean… She must wear his clothes over the top of hers to keep them that way.  
Shikamaru felt his eye twitch.  
Yes… He would have to pay Ino a visit.

As it turned out, he didn't need to.  
Despite being a highly trained and intelligent jounin, Shikamaru felt a little embarrassed to be caught off guard so easily and dragged into a side street.  
His shadows bound his attacker immediately but he had to sigh and release them upon seeing his team mate constricted within their hold.  
Fighting off his irritation as he deemed it too troublesome an emotion, Shikamaru looked at her quizzically.  
Ino looked as though she had tossed herself off a cliff to see if she would live.  
Her normally neat hair stuck out at all ends and had several twigs sticking out here and there, some of her clothes (or what little she wore) was torn and ripped and not to mention the scratches on her cheek that would usually have her bawling her eyes out.  
Yup… She definitely wore his clothes over the top of hers.  
Only this time it looks as though his shirt had been torn off doing whatever it was she had been doing, leaving her clothes and skin defenseless.  
He dreaded to think what had happened to that shirt…  
Instead of crying about her appearance as he expected, Ino was holding her hands over her mouth and looking very much like she was trying to prevent herself from sneezing.  
Shikamaru briefly wondered if she was an imposter.  
After all… Weirder things had happened.  
A tug on his long sleeves bought him back to the present and had him gazing down at his team mate.  
Ino was giggling it seemed, not sneezing, in fact she was giggling so hard it looked as though her jaws would lock up.

"Shikamaru… You will never believe what I just saw…"

Not really putting much stock into anything Ino had to say, Shikamaru listened half heartedly as she told her tale.  
At first he didn't find anything very unusual about Sai and Naruto talking about a frog other than the fact that Ino was watching them do it in the first place.  
Then it got weirder.  
He wasn't quite sure how much he wanted to know – not having any say in Naruto or Sais love life but being uncharacteristically intrigued at the same time.  
Yet… The more Ino spoke the more his ears burned…  
Just before it got too much to bear, the tale finished and he was able to resist gagging.  
Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck….  
He put a hand to his head to steady himself, positive that rumors of Naruto and Sais…. Endeavors, had knocked 30 points off his IQ.

"Ino," he began, "why are you telling me this?"

Ino looked as though she had been slapped in the face.  
Who in their right mind WOULDN'T want to know about what she had just seen?  
Everyone needed to know about it!  
She just so happened to run into Shikamaru on her way to tell Sakura.  
The medic nin needed to be warned after all.  
If it happened again Ino wanted to be sure her rival had a camera handy.  
That sort of picture goes into collection for use as both blackmail material and private viewing.  
Everyone knows that.  
She rolled her eyes at Shikamarus naivety.  
He just needed more practice in the gossip department was all.  
Deciding it was better to let the genius figure out what an incredible occurrence it was on his own, Ino said a brief farewell and wandered in the other direction.

"Troublesome…"

At least the day wasn't so boring after all, Inos little gossip had given him something to think about.  
It was all very well for Sai to do something like that, the guy probably saw someone do it in the park and thought it would work on Naruto as well.  
And you could never really tell with that guy…  
Shikamaru didn't even WANT to try and evaluate what was going on inside Sais head.  
Naruto was a different matter.  
He had always been the sort of person to have his emotions on display, never really quite knowing how to hide them and feeling content that he didn't have to.  
If he had even the slightest attraction towards someone, Shikamaru would have picked up on it in an instant, whether he wanted to or not.  
He rubbed the bridge of his nose irritably.  
Why oh why did his brain have to be so smart…? Some things he didn't want to know about…  
No, it was very out of character for Naruto to go around kissing people.  
Unless it was an attempt with Sakura before he was knocked to hell.  
Sai, no…  
Unless Ino was exaggerating and Sai fell onto Naruto and just so happened to kiss him as they hit the ground.  
It happened with Sasuke after all…

He bypassed the gates of Konoha and waved to Sakura who was entering the village with a basket._  
That's right, she was going to find ingredients that she was missing._  
He had passed her when she was leaving and they had spoken briefly.  
But that was an hour ago, so why was the basket empty? It was the perfect season for skullberries, it wasn't possible that the bushes were bare.  
Sakura stormed over when she caught sight of him and Shikamaru discreetly prepared his shadows to grab her if something went wrong.  
By the looks of it, Ino had told her about Sai and Naruto.  
Which could mean things would get ugly.  
Shikamaru took in the looks on her face which furthered his opinion of the rumor being spread.  
An interesting face actually, she looked half furious and half creeped out.

"What's wrong, Sakura?"

Best to play it cool and pretend you don't know, he figured.  
Sakura stopped in front of him and balled her fists, making him slightly nervous.  
Growling and stomping her foot she cried,

"Kakashi and Gai-sensei that's what's wrong!"

Oh.  
So Ino hadn't told her yet.  
That meant it was best to clear away when she did.

"What did they do?"  
_  
Something stupid, no doubt…_  
Sakura threw her hands in the air in exasperation.

"I don't know! I was talking to them and then they both started rolling around on the ground. I think Gai was trying to kiss Kakashi or something! Ergh… I feel sick…"

Shikamaru fought very desperately not to mentally and physically react to this news.  
That was definitely wrong…  
What was it with people wanting to kiss each other all of a sudden?  
Like, with Naruto and Sai, this didn't make sense.  
Although being a pervert, Shikamaru had never seen Kakashi react or take an interest in any men or women, the latter of which seemed to adore him.  
He definitely wouldn't run around kissing people, especially Gai because pervert or not that was just nasty.  
And Shikamaru always got the vague feeling that Gai irritated Kakashi on some level.  
Sure they constantly battled and had their little games and they were most certainly friends…  
It was probably Gais eccentricity being too much to counter Kakashis own weirdness.  
No, Kakashi didn't go around kissing people.  
Gai… He wasn't so sure about.  
If he got it in his head that it was another competition or he was trying to 'prove his youth' there was a possibility he might try, but a very remote possibility.  
Whatever the case, he was glad he didn't see Naruto and Sai OR Kakashi and Gai… He had a feeling he would be reacting the same way as Sakura, who was currently dry retching on the ground.

"Hey! Sakura! I have something to tell you!"

Shikamaru jumped with fright when he heard Inos voice and hastily said goodbye to Sakura, who nodded weakly, before high tailing it.  
He vaguely noticed Kotetsu and Raido rolling around on the ground making a commotion instead of working as he hurried away.  
Once he heard the words, "Argh! Don't kiss me you asshole!" Shikamaru determined that perhaps Raido and Kotetsu had been infected with the same disease as Naruto, Sai, Gai and Kakashi.  
If so, then it would seem the display of affection was one sided, which would make sense given everyones personalities.  
Sai might have tried it with Naruto.  
Gai might have tried it on Kakashi.  
But definitely not the other way around.  
By the sound of it, Raido was trying it on Kotetsu.  
He didn't really know enough about their personalities to judge that fully though.  
A loud shout of "THEY DID WHAT!?" behind him in the direction of Ino and Sakura made him break into a sprint and lose his train of thought.

* * *

**Lol so yeah...**  
**You need at least ONE person to be smart enough to try and figure it out.**  
**Shikamaru, I'm sorry but its you...**  
**And you shall not leave this story without experiencing it too... Probably...**  
**Rates and reviews always appreciated!**  
**Hope you enjoyed!**


	11. Ankos Bad Day

**Haha! Here you go _Malsyn_!**  
**This is done a bit quick but I hope its still good!**  
**And just for you _essenceofpink_, I will do a Kiba/Ino one!**  
**Enjoy!**

* * *

There were no children to torment today…  
That was the only thing currently going through Anko Mitarashis mind as she strolled the streets absently.  
Usually, everything that happened during her daily routine was exciting and energetic.  
She loved danger, what could she say?  
It probably had something to do with following Orochimaru around for a while.  
Ankos day usually consisted of something like this:

At 6:00am her trap would set off, flinging dozens of kunai at her bed which she would fend off to wake herself up.

At 6:30 after having a shower she would purposely spill a few hundred poison senbon over her kitchen floor and try to make her breakfast as fast as possible without getting spiked. Of course then she would have to weed out the shuriken she had placed in her cereal the night before.

She would train from 7:00 until 10:30 at which point she would head to the academy to harass Iruka.  
On occasion he would be stressed enough to throw something at her.  
And sometimes he was so tired that he gave her a dango coupon so she would leave.  
Either way it was thrilling, in her mind the chunnin was sexy when he was flustered.

Back to training from 11:30 until 3:00, but not before she had bribed Irukas students to torture him.  
Poor Iruka never did realize that his students were all angels at heart, just incredibly gullible and willing to do anything for a bag of lollies.

Ibiki always needed a good annoying and Anko took it upon herself to deliver it, mainly because everyone else was too scared to.  
The other ninja were afraid to have their minds screwed with but Anko never seemed to mind or be bothered by it.  
Most people figured it was because Ibiki couldn't make her any crazier.  
She would never admit that half the reason she went to bother Ibiki was because she had a teeny, tiny, miniscule, barely existent crush on him.  
Who doesn't love a man with scars?

By the time she finished flirt- uhh… Annoying Ibiki, it was time for a long awaited meal…  
Dangos of course!  
Bought with the coupon Iruka loving handed over to her.

So far, barely any of this had happened today.  
A stupid gennin had accidentally flooded the training fields with a water jutsu…  
So training was off.  
Unfortunately, training was what took up most of her day…  
She couldn't bother Iruka for AT LEAST another half an hour because his lunch break hadn't started yet.  
So instead of following routine, it was time for some aimless wandering…

A rustle in her pocket reminded her that she still had a dango coupon left over from yesterday…  
Nothing wrong with getting dangos early.  
She was kind of like the Naruto of the Dango world…  
The stall she usually went to was shut at this time however, so a hunt for a new stall was about to take place.  
Last time something like this had happened, she had just screamed at all the other jounin to go and bring her back dangos which was all good and fine until no one did.  
That was when the war began and things got broken.  
Although she couldn't say she didn't enjoy the fight that broke out, she was careful to avoid such things now.  
Not really fancying the consequences of blowing up Kakashi Hatakes apartment again, Anko decided that this time she should look for herself…

* * *

As it was she stumbled across Ibiki in one of the back streets.  
This in itself looked weird, the tall scarred jounin being out of what Anko deemed his 'natural habitat'.  
The dark shady torture chamber was missing one of its occupants...  
She figured she had better annoy him until the natural order of things balanced out again and he returned to the darkness, too many things were wrong today.  
Initially, Anko had assumed that he had dropped something and was bending down to pick it up but as she walked closer, she realized he was crouched over and glaring at what appeared to be a frog.  
Raising an eyebrow and grinning, she crept over to the man, hoping he was too deep in thought to hear her.  
Her glee grew as she stood directly behind him and he still hadn't moved.  
Oh how she loved doing this, standing behind someone who didn't know you were there…  
It was so much fun when they turned and got a fright at seeing her.  
She wondered if it would work on Ibiki.  
No harm in trying.  
A large grin adorned her face as she stood silently, sure that any moment Ibiki would stand and turn.  
After a minute or so when he hadn't said a word or even _shifted,_Anko changed the game and poked him in the back, gleefully crying,

"You're it!"

She was deeply unhappy when he didn't react.  
Maybe he is just playing hard to get, she figured.  
A few pokes later and Ibiki still wasn't moving.  
Anko of course, took this as a personal challenge.  
Flicking his ears, tugging his coat, giving him wet willies…  
Nothing.  
She gave him a Chinese burn, cut off a scrap of his clothes with a kunai and was even so bold as to give his behind a quick and forceful slap.  
Yet still, Ibiki didn't move.  
It crossed Ankos mind that perhaps this was a mind game, but the thought that it was a game she might lose never occurred to her.  
And so for the next half an hour she took great pleasure in poking and prodding Ibiki, giving him a few nipple cripples, slashing parts of his clothes off so that he was barely wearing anything other than crudely cut shorts that Anko had fashioned.  
Torn pieces of leather trench coat spilled out over the street.  
It was all very infuriating to Anko who by this stage was desperate for a reaction.  
No one ever ignored her like this and Ibiki must be deadest on screwing with her mind if he was allowing his favourite trench coat to be shredded.  
The only reaction she got was a growl every now and then.  
Furious and about to scream she shouted,

"Why won't you react Ibiki!? I hate you!"

What happened next was both a pleasant surprise and a nightmarish experience for Anko.  
The instant the words left her mouth it seemed that Ibikis lips were covering hers.  
She would have frozen with shock but her ninja instincts kicked in automatically to prevent her from hitting the ground hard.  
It seemed that's where Ibiki was taking her.  
He was on her in an instant, pinning her arms down and groping a breast as he continued to kiss her.  
Anko started to panic.  
She was all for this but not in the middle of the back street.  
Children sometimes walked down here and as well as not wanting to scar them too much, she had a reputation to uphold.  
She squeezed her eyes shut and struggled as best she could – which wasn't much considered the size difference between them and the position they were in.  
His hand moved over her stomach and fiddled with the button on her shorts and her eyes widened in horror.  
Muffled shouts emitted from her mouth and a second later, Ibiki seemed to hear them and pause.  
They gazed at each other in shock for a minute before he jumped back off her with a shout and glanced around frantically for his clothes and she marveled that she had never seen him move so much in a day.  
Anko still lay on the ground, unsure of what to think.  
A concrete thought did come into her head however, when someone cleared their throat behind her and Shikamaru Nara came into view.  
_Ohhhh shit…_  
He raised an eyebrow at them and despite his otherwise lack of reaction, Anko was positive that he was freaking out.  
She stood up and shakily laughed,

"That sooo wasn't what you think it was…"

Shikamaru crossed his arms and leaned his weight on one hip, obviously not convinced.  
Realizing that words would get her nowhere considering that Ibiki was very nearly naked and she was flustered and blushing, Anko pulled her signature move:  
Hasty Escape  
She grasped Ibikis arm and flash stepped away.

Shikamaru sighed when they left, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.  
Something was definitely going down.  
Anko was wild and would possibly attack Ibiki but not the other way around…  
Was he beginning to see a pattern?  
Kind of…  
Deciding that now the two perpetrators had left he was free to investigate the area, Shikamaru walked over towards the shredded clothes.  
Interesting…  
It looked as though Anko tore chunks out of Ibikis trench coat and only the nuttiest person alive would do that.  
How she did that and keep him still at the same time was beyond Shikamaru, especially since he had just witnessed Ibiki take full control of her so easily.  
There was no evidence of her binding him…  
What's going on here…?  
Shikamaru followed the scraps of leather to a spot on the ground that seemed to be occupied by a frog.  
He frowned.  
Hadn't Ino said something about Naruto and Sai talking about a frog?  
If they were connected then the bloody thing was probably dangerous, best to not get too close.

* * *

**Tada!**  
**This was a bit more graphic than the other ones I have done which is weird because out of them all, this one disturbs me the most…  
Haha… Even Zetsu/Pein/Kisame wasn't so bad…  
I felt anyway..  
See you next time!  
As always, leave your rates, reviews, complaints (Which I expect after that creepiness) and pathetic excuses after the beep.**

Wait…  
Wait…  
WAIT…

….

BEEP!


	12. Kage Buushin to the Rescue!

**Tada, I'm back.  
Sorry for the long update. I don't particularly have an excuse so… My dog ate it?  
Also I want to promote the video 'Kakuzu batman' on youtube... Not because I know the person or because I made it myself, just because it is hilarious and needs more views desperately! It cracks me up anyway haha  
**

* * *

Shikamaru glared at Neji in annoyance.

And said dark haired shinobi probably would have glared back, had he not been sitting on the ground with his legs crossed entranced by a frog.  
Despite wanting to figure out what was going on, Shikamaru really didn't want to find someone who was actually under this spell of some kind, it asked for all kinds of trouble.  
Not to mention that the one definite thing that had been occurring was spontaneous kissing and he _really _didn't want to have Neji of all people jumping on him.  
Troublesome…

From a safe distance, Shikamaru had been trying to question the Hyuuga prodigy, all the while trying to piece together what was going on in Konoha this fine day.  
He had stumbled across Neji 10 minutes earlier and upon seeing him unmoving in front of the hideous little amphibian, had darted behind a tree and watched for signs of movement.  
Shikamaru suspected that some sort of genjutsu was taking place and was anxiously trying to draw hints from his little test subject as to how to break it.  
From what he could tell, Neji was able to speak with his mind intact, but only answer questions.  
That is, he couldn't call for help if he needed to.  
Shikamaru had tried everything physical he could do to stop the strange behavior.  
Trying to release the genjutsu didn't work and neither did slapping the Hyuuga across the face (which they both know he only did for his own amusement rather than trying to help Neji break the curse)  
So after ten minutes of half hearted curse breaking attempts, back to phase 1, Shikamaru had resumed the questioning.

"What happened when you saw the frog?"

"My limbs stiffened and I couldn't move or talk."

The genius sighed.  
About as much as he figured.  
So far he had been lucky and Neji hadn't gotten all creepy on him but who was to say that would last?  
The Nara was trying to get this over with as soon as possible.

"Hello Neji, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru glanced at Tenten as she walked towards them with a smile.  
He nodded in response and from the ground, Neji grunted.  
This in itself wasn't surprising, Neji probably wouldn't have spoken any differently had he not been under a genjutsu.  
Which was probably why Tenten got so annoyed.  
After all, the team she was on was infuriating.  
Neji was a jerk most of the time and was only really nice to her when he wanted to train, Lee was a hyperactive, colorblind schizoid and Gai sensei was just… Creepy.  
It didn't help that they didn't even know her last name and the fact that the only greeting she ever got from Neji was a grunt made her blood boil.  
It was about time she stood up to the Hyuuga and gave him a piece of her mind.

"What is wrong with you Neji?! For once in your life I wish you would actually say a word when you see me instead of grunting!"

Having not been asked a question, Neji could do nothing more than sit quietly and accept the lecture his teammate was giving him, which he had to admit was long overdue.  
Unfortunately for him, Tenten found his silence extremely disrespectful and the fact that he didn't even acknowledge her feelings made her hurt all the more.

"And now you are ignoring me!? You are being such a… such a Hyuuga!"

Shikamaru was willing to sit back and enjoy the screaming for a while, taking immense joy out of watching the small drop of sweat that slid down Nejis brow, but when Tenten started beating her teammate, he figured he might intervene.  
Moving up cautiously behind the rampaging kunoichi, he tried to gain her attention by waving his hand and tapping her shoulder.

"You never talk to me unless you want to train, you never look at me when I speak, you never- STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIKAMARU!"

Said genius jumped back behind the tree he had been hiding behind before she arrived and sent Neji a look that clearly stated 'Sorry, bro. I tried."  
He knew that Neji saw him because he bit his lip and despite the lack of emotions on his face, he radiated fear.  
One thing was for sure, that was the last time he tried to stop Tenten beating someone up.  
Her mindless screaming continued for several minutes and he winced at some of her language.  
Courtesy of the jutsu, Neji still hadn't moved and the weapons expert became furious.  
To Shikamarus horror, she withdrew a scroll from her pouch and summoned a flurry of kunai that were flung at her team mate in rapid succession.

Shikamaru groaned and covered his eyes until the stomping of feet caught his attention.  
Whether it was dumb luck or whether Naruto actually saw what was going on and decided to intervene remained to be seen.  
A large group of shadow clones darted in between Neji and Tenten, unwittingly blocking the kunai and shouting in anger as they poofed into smoke and fell to the ground.  
Six or seven remained intact once the attack stopped and they growled at Tenten, though having the sense to stay a safe distance away from her as her face turned red with fury.  
The real Naruto remained hidden or maybe he was never there to begin with, Shikamaru wasn't sure but he was damn glad that his shadow clones had shown up.  
Explaining to the Hyuuga family that Tenten had killed their descendant wasn't something Shikamaru pictured himself doing.  
Whatever the case, the fact that only one kunai managed to scrape the side of Nejis face, barely cutting the skin, made Tenten all the more distraught.

"NEJI WHY CANT YOU STOP BEING SUCH A JERK? WHY CANT YOU SHOW SOME SENSITIVITY FOR ONCE! I HATE YOU!"

Unknown to the three, the magic words had been spoken.  
Before Shikamaru could release his shadows to stop him, Neji had jumped from his position on the ground and tackled Tenten to the ground.  
Her eyes sent him a smoldering glare but her hate speech was cut short when her mouth became covered with his.  
She squeezed her eyes shut and struggled slightly, more because the idea of Neji ACTUALLY showing sensitivity creeped her out more than she actually disliked the kiss.  
It seemed that the effects of the jutsu didn't last as long on Neji as it did on others and mere seconds after he had kissed her, the Hyuuga jerked back with a very confused look on his face.  
Shikamaru bit his lip in amusement and fear or Tentens reaction while the remaining shadow clones unashamedly burst into laughter.  
From beneath him, Tenten gave him a look and grimacing sheepishly, Neji rolled to the side so she could stand up.  
Shikamaru glanced nervously between the two from behind his tree, not particularly wanting to get involved.  
The shadow clones had followed him and were tapping him on the shoulder and giggling amongst themselves while replaying the scene without getting too close to each other.  
Tenten dusted herself off, shooting Neji glares every few seconds.  
The Hyuuga himself twiddles his thumbs and awkwardly glanced around for something to do.

"That's not exactly what I meant when I said you need to be more sensitive… But that's okay. We can practice that kiss later…"

Nejis head shot up incredulously as Tenten winked at him and ran off giggling.  
The look on his face? 'What the fuuuuck?'  
Shikamaru cleared his throat and stood out from behind the tree, making Neji grimace in remembrance that someone else had just witnessed his little slip up.  
Before he could speak, Shikamaru mouthed 'You aren't the only one.'  
The shadow clones darted from behind the tree and slapped his back in congratulations, their mindless chattering filling up the silence that would have reigned otherwise.  
Sitting down with raised eyebrows, Neji motioned for Shikamaru to continue.  
The Nara started off with a question however,

"Was there anything unusual about the frog?"

Neji furrowed his brows,

"Like what?"

"Just… anything! Something different about it?"

Neji looked at Shikamaru in confusion, the boys tone had conveyed an urgency that made him wonder, even the clones had stopped whispering and were watching the scene with interest.  
Shrugging his shoulders, Neji replied,

"Its eyes were red with black markings but that's about it."

Shikamarus eyes widened and before Neji could hear the rest of the story, he lazy boy dashed to his feet and tore away from the clearing, back to the village.  
Neji and the clones sighed, knowing that they were going to have to find someone else to explain to them what was going on.  
He buried his head in his hands and growled to himself, wallowing in self pity until a tug on his sleeve reminded him of his company.  
Neji glanced at the shadow clone that had worked up the courage to gain his attention and raised a brow.  
With a massive grin, it asked, "Wanna go get some ramen?"  
Neji glanced at the time on the watch he had begun to carry then back to the seven shadow clones.  
Rolling his eyes and sighing Neji muttered, "Fine, lets get this over with."  
Multiple cheers and 'dattebayos' emitted from the clearing.

* * *

**Woo! Any other pairings guys? Please? Help me!  
I think the people who are so far untouched (or unmentioned) are Shino, Hinata, Kiba, Ino, Shikamaru himself, Lee, Choji, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro - assuming I do the sand siblings.  
So let me know :D  
Rates and reviews always appreciated! (Although I don't think you can actually rate these stories anymore…)**


	13. Kiss The Hokage They Said

**First off, thank you to Darknesse Sidhe for pointing out a very crucial mistake I made… and have now fixed XD  
I'm not telling anyone what it was.  
I'm truly sorry that the next chapter has taken so long, if I had an excuse I would give it.  
But being the case that I do not have one, without further ado, let chapter 13 begin!**

* * *

Being the Hokage had its ups and downs as well as its advantages and disadvantages.  
A disadvantage was that she was constantly loaded with paper work (which she gladly albeit guiltily, shouldered onto Sakura and Shizune on occasion)  
But the redeeming advantage was that most of the bars she went to offered her first few drinks for free.  
Currently, she was taking advantage of the advantage and walking through the streets of Konoha in search for a good bar that was lively but without a million people.  
On the way however, she had her brows furrowed in confusion.  
Usually her village was quiet and peaceful, children ran through the alleyways chasing cats and dogs whilst villagers haggled over meat prices.  
But today something was off.  
Almost everyone she came across had one of three emotions playing across their face; incredibly happy, incredibly scared, incredibly confused.  
She herself was incredibly confused and planned to find out why by asking the next ninja she crossed.  
She didn't have to wait long.  
As fate would have it, she ran into one right around the corner.  
Brown eyes flashing happily at her luck, Tsunade smiled,

"Good afternoon, Gai. Have you noticed something weird going on in the village?"

The green clad man seemed to pale as he frantically shook his head back and forth.  
Finding his behavior… weirder than normal, Tsunade opened her mouth with a frown to question him, only to be left stumped when he flash stepped away.  
She scowled.  
Now she _knew _something was going on.  
Rubbing her temples she sighed.  
All she had wanted was to get drunk but now she was curious.  
Shaking her head, Tsunade continued onwards, hoping to find someone else who might have an idea as to what was going on….  
Someone that would actually _tell_her.

Further up ahead at the end of the street, Naruto bounced happily around the corner.  
Knowing she would get information out of the blonde boy reasonably easily, Tsunade smiled and raised her hand to attract his attention.  
Her smile dropped and turned to a look of confusion however, when another Naruto walked around the corner next to the first, then another… then another.  
She scowled and dropped her hand as she recognized the shadow clones for what they were.  
The real Naruto was not among them.  
But yet again, she raised an eyebrow in confusion as they drew closer.  
It appeared that in the middle of the rippling group of blonde ninjas, Neji Hyuuga was walking along with his arms crossed and brows furrowed.  
The mindless chattering of the shadow clones got louder and Tsunade wasn't surprised to hear the word 'ramen' repeated several times.  
She opened her mouth to ask them for help but shut it again when she realized that while she could easily (barely) put up with one Naruto, seven wasn't within her tolerance capacity…  
Or Nejis judging from the growing scowl on his face.  
And so, she walked the other way as a disgruntled Hyuuga wandered off towards Ichiraku flanked by carbon copies of the second most irritating ninja in history.

As it turns out, she later came across the first.

* * *

It crossed her mind that before having a drink, a nice relaxing soak in the hot springs would do her wanders.  
Taking the long way over a hill bordering the natural bath, Tsunade was annoyed (though not very surprised) to find Jiraiya peaking through some bushes in the direction of the womens bathing quarters.  
A feral growl erupted in the back of her throat,

"Jiraiya?!"

"Yes, Tsunade?"

The calmness of his answer confused her to no end.  
Usually upon being caught out, the toad sage would jump a few feet in the air and screech some hastily thought out excuse while dodging punches.  
The thought that he was too scared to move was dismissed from her mind.  
This was Jiraiya they were talking about.

"Why are you spying on the women bathing… _Again?"_

"I'm not spying on them."

Tsunade rolled her eyes.  
Oh of course.  
How could she forget…

"Okay... why are you_ researching_the women in the hot springs?"

"I'm not researching either."

The female Sennin pinched the bridge of her nose, thoroughly sick of the game they were playing.  
Resisting the urge to punch her former team mate in the back of the head, she ground out,

"Then what pray tell, are you doing?"

"Watching a frog."

Tsunade blinked, not expecting the answer she received.  
Glancing over his shoulder and into the bushes, she noticed that Jiraiya was indeed, focusing intently on a little frog.  
Somehow, this didn't greatly surprise her.  
Jiraiya was the great toad sage after all…  
Although she had never known his interest to include frogs which were in fact, a different species.

"Why are you watching the frog?"

"I don't know, I don't want to watch it."

"..Then don't…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Jiraiya?"

"Yes?"

"Stop looking at the frog."

"…"

The legendary Sennin didn't move, prompting a vein to twitch in Tsunades forehead.  
Jiraiya usually listened and followed her orders to a T when they were younger and that hadn't changed when she had become Hokage (besides perving on women that was)  
So why was he being disobedient now…?  
Sighing and crossing her arms, Tsunade muttered,

"You've always been a good friend, Jiraiya. But I really hate you sometimes…"

The change was noticeable in an instant.  
Jumping from his place on the ground, the white haired Sennin jumped at Tsunade, which in itself wasn't a very strange thing.  
He was pretty much an older version of Naruto, just like she was an older version of Sakura.  
And the scene played out as such.  
Hands outstretched, he caught Tsunade completely off guard (although in later time she would never admit this)  
Before she could properly react, she had been pinned to the ground with Jiraiya making kissy lips at her, growing closer… and closer.  
Despite her monstrous strength, Tsunade was fairly helpless with her wrists pinned down.  
Her strength depended on the momentum she acquired through her punch, but restrained as she was, there wasn't much she could do.  
Growling in the back of her throat warningly, Tsunade bared her teeth at the man.  
He had never gone this far before.  
Any thought in her mind that it was a joke was instantly erased when his face was a mere centimeter from her own.  
And hence her violent struggling began.  
Half a centimeter…  
Four millimeters…  
Three millimeters…

THWACK!

Tsunades eyes widened slightly and he struggling ceased when her vision was filled with the sky.  
That is to say, no one was on top of her to block her view of it.  
Furrowing her eyebrows in frustration and confusion, she sat up and glanced around, noticing several Naruto clones rubbing their heads with identical scowls and a nervous Jiraiya watching her hesitantly.  
Standing up menacingly, Tsunade growled,

"Jiraiya…"

Neither Jiraiya nor Naruto, Naruto, Naruto or Naruto had a chance to react before the toad sage was flying through the air via her fist, leaving Tsunade alone with the clones.  
They glanced at her nervously and smiled uneasily.  
The Hokage was unpredictable in this kind of mood.  
Jiraiya had once begun to explain that it was a monthly thing but he didn't hear much more than that, the Sennin being distracted by a passing woman.  
Once her angry quivering had stopped Tsunade looked down to the clones, her eyes still flashing dangerously.  
They backed against a tree and huddled against each other as she stalked over.

"Naruto…"

Simultaneous gulps.

"Yes…?"

"…You like ramen, right?"

* * *

**Poor Jiraiya…  
Kiss the Hokage, they said…. It would be fun, they said…  
Short chapter but I still have to get my head back into this story…  
I still have no idea where the fucking shadow clones are coming from..**


	14. Attack of the Clones

**Okay so I haven't updated this story in a while for the simple reason that it isn't quite as popular as some of my others (which I am trying to belt out)  
I haven't forgotten about Konoha vs Froggy vs Akatsuki though haha.  
Here is the next part :D**

* * *

Ever since Ino had ran off with hearts in her eyes after watching Sai and Narutos ill fated kiss, the blonde had been pacing back and forth irritably, shooting scowls at Sai every now and then.  
It WAS Sais fault after all…  
Kind of.  
The pale boy had explained his situation and at first Naruto had found it hard to believe that Sai had been hypnotized by a frog into kissing him.  
His doubts faded soon after when someone shouted "I HATE YOU" followed by a (very girly) scream as Kiba and Akamaru dashed past them followed by Rock Lee with a creepy smile upon his face.  
Naruto had blinked a few times before crossing his arms and scowling.  
Maybe for once Sai was telling the truth.  
If that was in fact the case, then he decided that two things needed doing:

**One:** Stop this from happening to anyone else, aka catch the fucking frogs.  
**Two**: Catch Ino before she spreads the word.

As such, his next move gave him the ability to solve both problems at once.

"Kage Bunshin no jutsu!"

Sai gasped in surprise as a loud 'pop; sounded throughout the area.  
Once the cloud of smoke disappeared, thousands of shadow clones stood hunched together in the clearing.  
There were probably heaps of frogs and nowhere near enough people to catch them all, which was where he came in.  
Naruto smirked in glee and his clones copied.  
They knew immediately what needed doing, all of them scattering off in groups of 8 or 9 to different parts of the village.  
Once the last few had left the clearing, Naruto turned back to Sai with a sadistic grin.  
Cracking his knuckles with a mad glint in his eye, Naruto whispered evilly,

"Even if it wasn't you fault, you didn't think you were going to get away with kissing me right…?"

* * *

A group of shadow clones raced through the streets of Konoha with one thought on their mind:  
Stop the frogs!  
They moved in sync and bounced off the walls and roofs of houses to avoid citizens in their mad search for the little creatures.

"THERE'S ONE DATTEBAYO!"

All at once, the group of clones pounced at the small frog, chasing it until they had it cornered in an alley.  
The frog looked behind itself and realized it was trapped, an almost sad aura covering its little body.  
Deciding the best way to dispose of it would be to pick it up and take it somewhere outside the village, all 9 clones kneeled down in front of it and gazed into its eyes.

* * *

"Look over there!"

Another group of clones bounced into the alley way and raised their eyebrows at their likenesses crowded around a frog, all quite clearly caught in its hypnotic stare.  
The clones glanced at each other and one snickered,

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea?"

Another clone glared at the first to have spoken and growled,

"Speak for yourself dattebayo! If you were all as smart as me we would get the job done!"

"We ARE you!"

"Is he calling us smart or stupid?"

"I'm calling you stupid, moron!"

"I hate clones!"

"Oh yeah? Well I ha-ACK!"

* * *

Shikamaru was a good guy, lazy sure, but when it came down to it he was dependable.  
So of course when he heard shouts and screams coming from a back alley he decided to investigate.  
He was a jounin after all and it was his duty to protect the innocent, even if he was currently trying to solve a frog related mystery.  
And so he was surprised to no end to stumble across 18 Narutos battling it out on the ground, some getting very touchy feely and others punching each other in the face.

"Get off me, dattebayo!"

"I don't want to kiss myself-ARGH!"

"Hold him so I can punch him!"

"YOU JUST PUNCHED ME!"

"I AM YOU!"

Shikamaru wasn't sure whether to laugh or sigh at what he was witnessing.  
At least he had another bunch of shadow clones to question about the frogs.  
Which led him to the question of where the hell they were coming from in the first place…  
Naruto had summoned them obviously… But why?  
The lack of movement in front of him diverted Shikamarus attention back to the present.  
All of the clones were glaring at each other.  
Some were growling in anger while others looked confused and a little scared.  
Deciding to break the silence, Shikamaru clapped his hands to get their attention.  
The noise frightened the clones, some of which jumped backwards with wide eyes while others shrieked and reached for weapons.  
When they realized it was who it was however, the jounin was quickly enveloped in a group hug.

"Troublesome…"

The hug ended after a few seconds, much to Shikamarus relief – it had felt like he was drowning.  
Clearing his throat, he motioned for silence and each of the shadow clones backed away from him respectively.  
_I just know I am going to regret this…_  
Clearing his throat, the shadow wielder began,

"I need you to tell me what happened just no-"

"It was his fault!"

"You attacked me!"

"No he didn't, he was trying to kiss us!"

"You are all stupid!"

"I want to go home!"

"I WILL GIVE YOU RAMEN IF YOU SHUT UP AND ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!"

An immediate silence fell among the group as they stared at the angry Shikamaru with wide eyes.  
At first, the jounin wasn't sure whether it was because he had offered them ramen or because he had yelled at them, something he rarely did to anyone.  
Some of the clones looked a little scared, still traumatised from being kissed no doubt.  
It didnt take long before the jounin had an answer.

"RAMEN! YEAH!"

"You're the best Shikamaru!"

"Dattebayo!"

Shikamaru threw his head back and groaned.  
The former then.  
All too late the genius realized his mistake.  
He should never have offered the clones ramen for now they would not shut up.  
Oh well, what can you expect from Konohas number 1 unpredictable ninja…?

* * *

**Short chapter I know.  
But I thought it would be funny…  
It IS a bit poorly written because I didnt fully edit it but...  
Leave your rates, reviews, complaints and excuses after the beep!  
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**


	15. For The Love of Ramen!

**I tell you what – I hate truck drivers.  
Dickholes on the road, one of them tried to ram my statesman today -_-  
Anyway… This chapter references a minor point in my other story Operation: Kill Tobi, although I don't know how noticeable it is.  
A big thank you to **_**Dei-Dei wolfgirl**_** for reminding me to update this chapter haha.**

**Im not going to deny it though - this chapter is 100% unedited and I wrote it in 20 minutes, hence it's bluntness. I'll update it with edits at a later date. I'm just so busy right now _  
Enjoy**

* * *

After the events of the day, which had Shikamarus head spinning, he decided that a restaurant meal and a bit of relaxation time was in order.  
There was no way he was cooking after what he witnessed today (that was his excuse anyway, in reality he was just far too lazy to go to the trouble of actually making something)  
And why cook when you could buy a perfectly good ready-made meal?  
Unfortunately for said genius, he was so tired that he didn't realize he had voiced his thoughts aloud.  
Not that it would have mattered... if he wasn't surrounded by 14 hungry Narutos.  
Whether he was in the mood for ramen or not, Shikamaru soon found himself being dragged in the direction of Ichirakus.

Upon arriving, he was exceedingly surprised to find Neji already sitting inside the restaurant with all the other chairs already occupied.  
In fact, Ichirakus was so crowded that the ground outside was littered with bodies happily munching on bowls of noodles.  
With closer inspection, Shikamaru sighed in exasperation as he realized that every single one of Ichirakus customers (bar Neji himself) was a Naruto clone._  
Boy is he gonna have one hell of a stomach ache when all these clones disperse…_  
Shaking his head and deciding that Nejis input would help him come up with an answer to his problem anyway, Shikamaru lazily pushed the clone next to the prodigy off his chair and sat down beside him.

"HEY! THAT WAS MY SEAT! YOU CANT JUS- ACK!"

"Shut up and eat your noodles."

To appease the angry clone, Shikamaru kicked him in the groin and handed his ramen down to him.  
Many of the other clones glanced at the scene in interest, some glaring at Shikamaru for his 'below the belt' treatment and some laughing unashamedly at their comrades discomfort.  
Glaring up at Shikamaru hatefully, the clone replied passionately,

"Its ramen nandebayo!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and turned to look at Neji.  
The Hyuuga had a scowl across his face as he irritably swirled his ramen around the bowl with a pair of chopsticks.  
He glanced at Shikamaru and nodded briefly in acknowledgement before going back to his brooding.  
Shikamaru stayed quiet, knowing from experience and instinct that any second, Neji was going to throw down his chopsticks and yell about what was bothering him.  
He glanced up at the clock over the counter on the wall.  
5…. 4…. 3…. 2…. 1….  
Slamming his chopsticks on the bench with his palm Neji stood and yelled,

"I always hated frogs!"

Smirking, Shikamaru nodded.  
He patted Nejis shoulder in a way that said, 'sit back down and let's talk about it'  
Once the Hyuuga was seated and had gone back to swirling his noodles, Shikamaru cleared his throat.

"It was obviously someone with a Sharingan that is doing this. My question is who?"

Neji nodded in agreement and furrowed his brows in thought.  
As far as they knew, there were only two Uchiha left alive; Sasuke and Itachi.  
But of course there were always exceptions to the Sharingan rule – Kakashi being one of them.  
Growling under his breath, Neji glared at the strips of beef swimming happily in his bowl.  
There was once a time he was convinced that Kakashi was in the Akatsuki – a conspiracy theory of his that as per usual, no one listened to.  
Was it so farfetched to believe that it was the Copy Nin who had done this?  
Neji thought not.

"My bet is that it is Kakashi. He is in the Akatsuki after all!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and muttered, "Oh not this again…"  
Neji glared at him angrily, "Its true!"  
The Nara sighed and threw his head back, resisting the urge to say the 'T' word.  
Apparently, Neji had once had a fight with someone in an Akatsuki cloak with a mask and after using his Byakugan, discovered that there was a mask under the mans mask – preventing Neji from seeing his face.  
And there is only one person we know who wears a mask under his mask…  
For weeks Neji found ways to invade Kakashis life, desperately searching for a cloak that the Copy Nin did not own.  
If only he had known that Tobi of the Akatsuki faced the same problem as Kakashi when it came to people trying to take off his mask, then the Hyuuga might have toned down his search…  
Despite the ridiculous logic behind Nejis idea, Shikamaru agreed with the culprit.

"Whatever Neji, it COULD be Kakashi, whether he is 'in the Akatsuki' or not. After all, he does read those perverted books which have probably rotted his brain to a degree… All that blood loss via nosebleeds has to have done something to his mental state."

Neji pointed a finger dramatically and cried, "EXACTLY!"  
From the seats next to the duo and the street behind them, dozens of Naruto clones looked up from their empty bowls full of excitement.  
Acting as a leader for the group, a clone stood with his arms folded in a relaxed manner across his chest and his head tilted.

"Hey… We don't really have anything to do now… We were supposed to stop the frogs buuuuuuuuuuuuut there are other clones covering that. What are you guys doing, hmm?"

Shikamarus eyelids dropped and he rubbed the bridge of his nose.  
If all of the clones had that thought in mind then none of them would get the job done.  
His thoughts were halted when rapidly approaching footsteps sounded nearby and Chouji dashed around a corner crying for his life.  
It was the first time Shikamaru had seen the boy run so fast… And AWAY from something too.  
However, when he saw Ino chasing him with a mad glint in her eye and a bit of droll coating her lip, Shikamaru figured that he would probably run away from the crazy bitch too.  
No doubt she had been looking at a frog for a while.  
He ducked back into the restaurant as the couple ran past, feeling sympathy for his friend but not enough to particularly want to draw him over.  
Neji cleared his throat when they had gone, leaving a stunned group of Naruto clones looking after them with a mixture of emotions.  
Glancing at the clones, Shikamaru took command,

"Okay, we are going to look for Kakashi-sensei. When you see him, grab him then come and tell me. Don't let him look you in the eye. If you see more clones, let them know what is going on. The more people we have the quicker it will take to find him."

Grinning wildly at the chance to grab their sensei, the clones nodded in glee, each one mentally cautioning themselves against getting dispersed lest the real Naruto figure out they aren't doing as they were told.  
They were just naughty like that

On the other side of Konoha accompanied by Sai, the real Naruto had had to stop on the street as he went through a major sneezing fit.

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter haha.  
I've been reading more than writing lately – shame on me I know.  
As always leave your rates, reviews, complaints and excuses after the beep!  
The above phrase is actually my voicemail message now… My mum hates it. XD  
Beeeeeeeeeeeep**


	16. Strawberry

**Strawberry**

* * *

****  
As per his usual habit, Kakashi Hatake stood in a clearing overlooking the village next to a monument.  
He visited this place as often as he could, it was his way of paying his respects and remembering the dead.  
Even if he was just nearby that stone marker, he felt a little bit better within himself and it bought him a little bit closer to accepting the guilty feelings he harbored for letting his team mates die.  
And so, this calm night, he sat cross legged a few metres away reading Jiraiyas filthy little book.  
All was well and he had just reread page 36 for the eighty-fifth time that month when his super ninja ears picked up a rustling from the bushes nearby.  
Narrowing his eyes and slightly annoyed at being disturbed, Kakashi snapped his book shut and glanced in the direction of the noise.  
It sounded like… murmuring… like a mass group of people talking.

He hoped it wasn't a plot to kill him, such things had tendencies to end badly.

Sighing, he got to his feet and walked calmly to the bushes, it was probably just a few gennin rebelling against their set bedtime, nothing a good scaring won't fix.  
Half way there and the noise stopped, instead sounding behind him, in the other direction.  
Rolling his eyes, Kakashi walked back the way he had come and made a beeline for the thick shrubbery on the other side of the clearing.  
It didn't stop, but no sooner had he gotten close did the original source of noise return, prompting the Copy Nin to come to a halt.  
So it probably wasn't gennin…  
As he became aware of the same noise surrounding the small clearing and cutting off all of his exits Kakashi actually began to get slightly nervous (not that he would tell anyone of course)  
If he was up against as many people as it sounded like, Copy Nin or not, it would be a difficult fight.  
It was beginning to look like a plot to kill him, an insidious plot as most plots to kill him were quite insidious.

The murmuring grew louder, like a swarm of buzzing bees and Kakashi found himself covering his ears to dull the sound.  
Just when he thought he couldn't stand it anymore, all at once the noise stopped and silence returned to the clearing.  
Kakashi blinked and looked around cautiously, trying to determine if what had just happened was a figment of his imagination or something that had actually occurred.  
He had just decided that it was his imagination when hundreds of simultaneous cries echoed throughout the clearing and his view was clouded with orange.

* * *

"Shikamaru! I got him dattebayo!"

"Hey! I got him, you sat at the back and laughed!"

"Shut up guys, I was the one who knocked him out."

"I'M NOT LISTENING LALALALALALALA!"

"Stop being immature!"

"You're immature!"

"So are you!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Shikamaru! He stole my credit!"

"Leave Shikamaru alone!"

"I WANT MORE RAMEN!"

"I do too! Miso pork pleeeeeeeeease!"

"Neji, Neji! I can do the Byakugan too see? Bleeeeeeeh!"

"That's not a Byakugan! That's just you rolling your eyes back into your head!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

Shikamaru held his head in one of his hands as he glanced back and forth at the bickering shadow clones.  
They had returned with Kakashi in tow a lot quicker than he had predicted, although they had probably woken up everyone in Konoha in the process.  
Apparently a few shadow clones had been dispersed in the brawl, so Shikamaru expected the real Naruto to show up at some point to cuss them all out for disobeying him…  
Not that the clones seemed worried, it was 300 of them against 1 real Naruto after all.  
Beside him, Neji seemed fairly impressed that they had managed to tie Kakashi up without much trouble as well, although two of the clones HAD accidentally tied themselves up with him.  
Whatever the case, Shikamaru and Neji were now the proud (or not so proud) owners of one Kakashi Hatake.  
The former of the pair smirked and looked down at the irritated jounin.  
His hitae-ate had fallen off at some point and he had been stripped of his jounin jacket and Icha Icha Paradise, leaving the copy nin very annoyed indeed.  
He glared up at Shikamaru, probably deciding whether it was worth giving him a good ol' taste of the Sharingan.  
Evidently, he decided against it, resorting instead to further glaring when Shikamaru began to talk.

"I don't know if you have realized this, but there is a plague of frogs bouncing around the village with Sharingans. Apparently whoever looks at one kisses the next person they see when the trance breaks. Now Kakashi… Who else do we know around here who has a Sharingan?"

Kakashi looked mildly interested in Shikamarus question and looked up curiously.  
Hadn't Gai been looking at a frog before he started acting really strange?  
He hadn't realized they had a Sharingan…  
Well one thing was for sure, it wasn't him who had done it, which meant he had to pin the blame on someone else…

"It was Sasuke!"

* * *

Hinata walked home from the training grounds quietly, tip toeing around the trees almost like she feared disturbing them.  
A Naruto shadow clone had bumped into her earlier on, startling her into silence and turning her entire face red.  
Despite not saying anything, the clone talked cheerily for a good 5 minutes, even at one stage patting her on the back – Squee!  
Amidst his chattering, Hinata had at some point managed to squeak out if Naruto knew where Neji might be, the answer being (strangely) at Ichirakus.  
Hinata had bowed deeply and quickly to thank the clone for the information but to her dismay, accidentally headbutted him and she watched nervously as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.  
She would have to apologise to the real Naruto when she saw him, although she was secretly delighted at having touched her hero.  
A croak from the bushes to her right caught her attention and Hinata paused in her walk and glanced down.  
There beside her was a tiny little froggy.  
She bent down to look at it closer and before she realized it, she had frozen._  
Oh no… N-now what do I-I do…? N-Neji will be angry…_  
Hinatas inward panic attacks paused and ceased when she heard footsteps behind her.  
She listened quietly as they drew closer, recognizing the voice of Naruto._  
M-Must be more clones…_

"I'm telling you, he must have stolen them!"

"No way dattebayo! Bushybrows wouldn't do that."

"Yeah, Gaara probably just shaved them off by accident one day."

"How do you accidentally shave off your eyebrows DATTEBAYO!?"

"WELL IT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN LEE STEALING THEM!"

"You know what… I really hate you guys sometimes…"

* * *

To be continued…

* * *

**Lol sorry – had to end it there.  
NaruHina ftw XD  
(that sounded creepily fangirly)  
Anyway, a big thanks to essenceofpink who (I think) is in the process of making a picture to go with this story – gun be awesome!  
Aaaaaaaaand as you know, leave your rates, reviews, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep!  
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep**


	17. Stare at a Frog They Said

**This hasn't been updated in a while… Sorry ****  
Lack of romance in my life has left me very uninspired XD  
But whatever, on with the story :P**

* * *

Hinatas body sprung into action before she could will herself to stay still.  
A tingling feeling made its way down into her fingers and toes – not unpleasant, but certainly making her nervous.  
The fact that she had the overwhelming urge to kiss something probably didn't help her fragile state of mind.  
A-as long as I stay away from people, I-I should be fine…  
To her dismay, the Naruto clones bounced around some trees and into the clearing.

* * *

"Oh yeah well we hate you too!"

"Wow this makes us sound depressing…"

"Not depressing, I would say that this makes us either bipolar or multiple personalities."

"Urgh whatever… Hey, look!"

"Its Hina- hey are you okay?"

Seven Naruto clones paused in their conversation and glanced uneasily at the Hyuuga in front of them.  
Hinata looked dazed and her body twitched every few seconds, almost as though she was planning on doing something and then forcing herself to stop.  
In fact, she looked very much like she might explode.  
Without a second thought, a clone rushed forward to help her with the expectation that he might end up taking the poor girl to the hospital – she really did look ill.  
What he didn't expect, was to end up on his back on the ground with Hinata pinning him down.  
The dark haired girl twitched and she moved closer, shaking her head and looking at first very fearful and then very determined.  
The clone beneath her tilted his head before bringing a hand up to feel her forehead.

"Are you sure you are alright Hinata? You're really hot"

All seven of the clones began to panic when the girl let out a loud wail and past out, headbutting and dispelling the clone beneath her in the process.  
It seemed that despite being controlled by a jutsu of some kind, Hinatas shy nature and vulnerability to the orange clad ninja overrode the effects and instead, her fear took over her and she passed out.  
So close yet so far away…

* * *

"Sasuke?"

Kakashi nodded vigorously as Neji raised an eyebrow.  
It probably was the kind of 'revenge against Konoha' thing that the Uchiha would do, although Shikamaru was certain that the boy could PROBABLY think up something a little better than that.  
It seemed a bit petty for Sasukes tastes.  
Kakashi on the other hand, was perverted, had a Sharingan and had what Shikamaru would consider an evil streak.  
Not that the Copy nin would ever use it openly.  
Just subtly… like making hypnotic frogs.  
There wasn't really a point to that… Unless…

"Kakashi?"

"Mmm?"

The Copy Nin looked up in hopefulness, obviously having the idea that he was to be released.  
Shikamaru stared down at him with a lazy grin crossing his face.

"Is there anyone in the village that you fancy?"

Kakashi scoffed and looked away bashfully, "No."  
Nejis monotone cut over the top of him, deadpanning, "No in this instance meaning yes?"  
Scowling, The Copy nin made a face at the Hyuuga and glared into the distance.  
"So what if I do?"

"Then I would very much like to know who it is. I am getting the idea that perhaps you started this jutsu as an excuse to kiss someone you might have a crush on."

Kakashi tilted his head and looked at Shikamaru and Neji as if they were total and complete idiots.

"Yes…" He began sarcastically, "I lack confidence enough as to trick someone into kissing me. Don't you think if I wanted to kiss someone I would do it in private? I do have a face to hide you know…"

Shikamaru sighed and threw his head back at the trouble of it all.  
Did it even matter? So what that people got kissed, it would end eventually...  
Neji however, didn't have the same train of thought and glared darkly at Kakashi.

"Then I suppose we shall just have to find a way to check if this** is** your doing or not…"

The several dozen Naruto clones who had been standing around listening in a very uncharacteristically quiet way, all suddenly burst into laughter and animated chatter.  
A particularly sadistic looking clone stepped forward, hiding something behind his back and grinning at his sensei.  
Calling attention to himself, he began, "I have one of the frogs right here… If Kakashi sensei has nothing to do with this, then it won't have any effect on him."  
Nejis face broke into an evil grin and he mentally congratulated Naruto on having such an intelligent thought.  
I mean, it wasn't UNHEARD of for the blonde to think of something good… But it wasn't all that common either.  
Watching with interest as Naruto lowered the frog towards Kakashi, Shikamaru frowned when the Copy Nins eye went wide and he began to struggle against his holdings.  
The second the amphibian was level with his eye, Kakashi stopped struggling and instead, gazed at the frog stock still.

The Naruto clones simultaneously tilted their heads.

"Huh... I guess he WAS telling the truth…"

Neji shook his head, not quite convinced and replied, "For all we know he could be faking it. Let's leave him somewhere and wait for someone to find him."

Nodding in understanding, 12 clones assisted in picking up the Copy nin and maneuvering him out of the ramen stand, leaving a very amused Amaya and Ichiraku behind.  
The two had learned long ago not to dwell in ninja affairs... Especially when Naruto was involved.

They had made it down two back streets with Shikamaru, Neji and the rest of the clones following on behind when whistling and footsteps alerted them to someone walking in the opposite direction towards them.  
It wouldnt do well for someone to find a bunch of people carrying a seemingly unconscious man around.  
Panicking slightly, the clones yelped in fright and dropped Kakashi, jumping into hiding places at the same time as the rest of the clones who were tagging along.  
Shikamaru and Neji bounced into a tree over hanging the road and watched with interest as Umino Iruka moved towards Kakashis body.

* * *

**Lol KakaIru….  
I normally wouldn't do this but I owed someone a favor and they like this pairing so…  
And I suppose Iruka needs some love too.  
He is such a cool dude XD  
As always, leave your rates, reviews, complaints and excuses after the beep  
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! XD  
**


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